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Again under the pier as the ponies slip into the waters
Heading home. This week I wanted to do, would’ve
Gladly done alone
But found friends to come along. They also enjoyed
The experience, enjoyed sharing it together in my home
And with me .
On a shaded bleacher, another morning watching
A childhood book come to life. Another afternoon
In shop, painting.
One friend off in a boat, the other bikes
The main roads with me to meet ponies.
We reach water
Wade in, stand under a pier deep in muddy water,
Shaded with a good view, watch as the first pony
Steps onto shore.
Watch this other friend work, see differences,
See on this week things mesh and some photos
Collected are useful.
In the shop painted postcards, at home
Friends who willingly came along for the ride.
I enjoy both.
Up, with friends, at 4am to bike from the loop.
Surf side for sunrise out of a cloudy, sky, ponies from
A misty north.
Linder I was as a child to my siblings
Linder I will take now as Linda
Can’t handle things.
I haven’t been writing, haven’t felt the use of it.
Why, what for, who cares for all who read this.
Which is nobody.
My two “best friends”, the meds seem to be doing
What they are meant to do, and doing more
Than I need
With their help, my usual not so up self
Has slipped down further, just one more thing
To do alone.
I haven’t written in awhile, why bother,
Even I can’t stand listening to myself, why
Would anyone else.
Two days fly by getting things I want to do done.
Done between what really needs done and what
Can slide now.
Slide now, is a big thing in my life and I do not
Like it. Must I work against what I know I want just
To get there?
Probably. How do I accommodate being alone?
How? Per usual, one breath, one step, however
Slow it is.
I enjoy a friend’s friend. Only, it shows
The cracks in life. Yes I wish he was alone, too.
He is not.
I enjoy time with him but it is stolen
From another and I hate that, as,
I know that.
I will enjoy this month, these times I would do
With him or not, and then it will be time
To say goodbye.
Left the dogs to be groomed, the cousin cooking
And run a lot getting things done, finally go
To the studio.
Talk with folks, learn things its good.
A friend’s friend comes , we discuss a project
Coming up soon.
Yet all is so outside me, the cousin and his life,
The friend’s,which has no room really in his, and
Our friend left early, I spent the afternoon
In the island studio with my cousin,
It was fun.
Went home to dine on food he had prepared
And drank enough that he too felt the need
To tell me
What I should do. I am angry.
Will box that with all the rest that guides little, yet
Hurts a lot.
Early day spent with cousin, afternoon in the island studio
Early afternoon, painted outside, then sold a painting,
Left early evening
Joined my guests for dinner and talking,
A quiet night, a good night but somehow I
Am loosing connection.
Beyond where am I going, who am I becoming.
I am afraid, once again, not much, and should
I bother, why.
Spent these last three days rearranging my studio.
My studio, the one at home, changing the it’s order
A new way.
Had almost all in good order by afternoon today
Time to cook and relax while waiting for
My cousin’s arrival
I am happier with the studio now, not such a matter,
I am just as happy as I can be these days which
Isn’t so much.
