Monday, May 31, 2010


Our friend roared off this morning on his Ruby charger.
In the afternoon, off to do errands, I drove the same roads
feeling distanced.


The mall is marbled strong along constitution,
The better to hear thunder rolling down its avenues,
Better to remember.

In shade cast by marble cooled, our friend kept me near
With the same soft touch that gentles horses allowing
Me your memory.

And I...I did ride, linked behind him, tears falling, yes, yet
Dearly happy for feeling him speed safely wide roads and for
Sweet times remembered.

Sunday, May 30, 2010


Upon ruby's throne I glide a sorrowed queen through
Countryside not wanted, not taken up, beautiful indeed but
No longer desired.

Friday, May 28, 2010


I am blessed by the fortitude of your friends, dare I say
Our friends, who care enough for you to willingly come
Stand by me.

Thursday, May 27, 2010


Early packed, early enough out with coffee and quiet words.
Early thoughts of a fine woman, her work, her studio, just the
Beauty in her life.

A few day's company of a perceptive friend's welcome,
a few days good rest, a few days, a few sweet days with
chance to contemplate.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


Skeet shows me I have strengths and have not.
I can concentrate, can hit the mark from certain stands
From others, can't, yet.

To breathe in then let out, an exhale to root myself
Down through my feet into dirt, to lift eyes, to focus
Deliberate the moment.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Slept the night for more hours than now is usual,
Paint the morning light, fingers stretching over the fields
Through dappled shade.

Later our good friend drives the hilly countryside
Showing his place, allowing the quiet space between,
Giving me rest.

Monday, May 24, 2010


Long rides over roads we never drove together
Avoided any for almost ten hours, time enough
For many tears

Sunday, May 23, 2010


Sunday sit on a wide front porch with people,
People who knew us and now speak only to me
Little of you.

I am too open, too raw, too silly
To think they are not thinking of you, just not,
Perhaps, speaking of you.

Saturday, May 22, 2010


Must figure out how to sit
Within a gaggle of couples without
Feeling totally alien.


It's coming on to midnight yet again and I can handle,
somewhat, that no longer is there any one waiting, who'll much care
to hear me

What is so hard is knowing that the no one is
because you are not here and I continue ,why, with
you not near

Friday, May 21, 2010


What do I want but home again
A place where roots might settle deep;
A place shared.

An ability to be on my own
To love and be loved back
Purpose to life

An ability to feel joy, rest and tranquility,
Have friends near to touch daily if needed, enough
Not to burden

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Dearest to me I no longer have.
What do I have but just myself,
One single self

Perhaps it is but what we all only have,
Except when, at times, two coalesce into a sum
Purer than the single

Hard it is to go forward from such
Hard with only memory sustaining heart
Hard but needed

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


Many are the things I need think of
And capable of good decisions, I feel not,
Of any decisions.

What a cassandra last fall was I, speaking aloud
To myself how they might be our best days as indeed, we
Had no future

Changed not, I have no future such to grasp
Such as to wish to strive towards, as such now is
Only slipping fog.

Monday, May 17, 2010


Another night I have slept without you
Wishing you were near, another morning hear -
One more day - without you.

Sunday, May 16, 2010


"I'm not up to this conversation at this time."
As the evening sun slants downward, I am painting
A friend's gilded marshes & bay.

One guest pounds his beliefs with no heed to mine.
I shelve it fine until his exuberance of epiphany clashes
With mine of 1/6.

Perhaps I should have as rudely declared my version,
No, but could've said, "I'm not up to this conversation
At any time."

Saturday, May 15, 2010


8 am and the day is already altered hard, another change,
25 years until right now we looked out our windows
watching our horses

Now the two girls are going where our others,
retirees have gone to joust, to trail ride, to carry others
in their gentle way

Now I sit in the warming air contemplating
Another amending in this now my life, now
No bays, no grays.

Friday, May 14, 2010


What a busy day getting things done
Filling the hours, not filling the emptiness but
For friends who call

Thursday, May 13, 2010


Fine to sit on a high deck under a soft sky darkening
Wine in hand, conversation and the promise of good food
with friends.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


Would ever so like to feel settled again, but fear
It will take ever more time that I would wish it could.
So is life:

What does not smack one ever so hard in the head,
Knocks one's feet out from under. Either will leave one
Gasping for breath.

So, with luck ever so rare, there is also an amazing sunset,
Or some such event occurring, thus giving one a good excuse
for hyperventilating.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


Friends come visiting and, lo, the views in my yard are more beautiful!
Sweet conversation, good food, and fine stories swirl through my home.
What a wonderful few days.

Monday, May 10, 2010


A day of beautiful weather and keeping busy
Of watching the sweet dance of a couple long linked
Bittersweet, more sweet to see.

Sunday, May 9, 2010


How, to bear up on these days which drag so long
How, walking empty spaces once filled with you, stop longing.
I can not.

Saturday, May 8, 2010


Take pencil to paper, a glass of wine and your dogs.
Take all and scribble the needs, wishes, dreams, you can now allow,
Take a friend's advice.

Friday, May 7, 2010


Washed in the beauty of your love and care,
I leaned contentedly into the strength that was you,
And adapted past me, you, to we.

The roots of me grew wrapped strong in you
So hardy to all winds, storms, dire droughts but not to my roots
Chopped from you.

Thursday, May 6, 2010


Again, I repeat myself, on one hand, one side, one moment,
I am able to do, to think, to access the hours of my day sensibly
And breathe easier

Again, I repeat myself, on one hand, one side, one moment,
I am trapped, still, and undone at the enormity of you gone,'
And can not breathe.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010


Even I must say a day so beautiful is a treasure. So I painted,
Thinking of vision, of passion, of mine so ever long serenely housed
In being with you.

Having vision, having passion is no small thing
As both are values by which one can steadily steer, thus deserving
Of due consideration.

Perhaps the contemplation of these traits of finer stuff can
Help to find a pathway through this passage of tribulations to my own
Sense of place.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


Painted today, took my box and dogs, painted our hayfields.
A day spent, as I now must learn how to live, alone.
Until a neighbor invited me over.

Neighbors, who spoke of you and of my journey.
I am restless, where am I going, he still expects you in our home.
She is ever sweet steady faith.

These feelings of restlessness, yes are bound in rootlessness.
You are gone and could not take me, that has cut my roots,
Leaving me easy to topple.

Leaving me much to consider.

Monday, May 3, 2010


This really, truly is hard, I am slogging as best I can
Floundering through so many days with no solid sense of place.
How does one find that?

Sunday, May 2, 2010


This morning I hear words taken as I need,
Hear voices lifted in lovely song to the beauties surrounding us
We have blessings.

Riding an easy horse at an easy pace
Through air easy to feel with a friend easy to be with,
I so miss it is not you.

Saturday, May 1, 2010


Hope and Faith, well named and full filling,
Each a good friend, giving me good words, good food.
Charity I welcome.