Saturday, April 30, 2011


Widda-fog, been there, still am...probably why should wait
before making major decisions, like moving, selling a house, even
Cleaning the house.

So some days just deciding chocolate/vanilla, get up/or not
Can be major. Chocolate's not tough, deciding to get up can be.
I do it.

Friday, April 29, 2011


Need a place in the heart to put at rest that "didn't do enough"
and go on. Won't be done in a day and could let it
beat me up.

Need to learn to put that in a deep dark place and allow
Instead the light, the love we had, with gratefulness
to help me

Wednesday, April 27, 2011


This grief, it is not all in our heads, you know.
The body, too, needs to adjust on so many levels,
I do know,

And get the just plain sundered apart feeling
That gnaws the soul. You are missed through the
Tissues and on.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011


Drove ten hours to sit on your bench at sunset,
To hear the geese fly, see deer depart, run off
By our dogs.

The skies darken through lavenders, smell
Salt marshes and write to you of the beauty, sorrow
My heart holds.

Of birth day wishes, I hold to do this simple thing:
Spend the hour as day looses the best light of all,
to love you.

Saturday, April 23, 2011


Gray and wet, the rain falls steadily, softly as
On this drive along roads long not taken, I
Drive among ghosts.

Willingly, heart whole happily, I followed you but
These months have taken me further back
Than I'd believe

Through grief's pendulum flinging far, is this
comfort of place where we met, perhaps, chance,
Home for me?

Thursday, April 21, 2011


What if, what if, what if. Hear of another bogged in the
Possibilities of his what ifs. This does not so concern me
For two reasons:

I know the worst that a what if could be, why court more?
I know I failed the only what if that could matter and
warrant no others.

My burden, my sorrow, that has steeped my tears,
That binds my heart, weighs my soul and
Slows my step.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


A blessing on this day for the kindness, love,
The company of your sister and her family
Who welcome me.

Monday, April 18, 2011


A morn spent painting the old white house,
last hours Of a good weekend with friends,
Already miss it.

The afternoon we wandered an old town cemetery
Reading stones and wondering of lives caught, words
In a phrase.

Of consorts and wives and either is the same
Of the weighted words widows and relics, how these
Now resemble me.

Monday, April 11, 2011


What a beautiful afternoon and evening, a reward,
Painting beauty where the river starts, welcomed by the
Two living there.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


Today taught a class, small in size but good scope
They all want only to go on and paint better.
So do I.

It is good they are looking for ways to learn more
Although this is more commitment than I find easy,
Will I learn?

To move beyond the discomfort, being undone by
The loss of you, even as small steps yet feel more
Ground letting go.

Sunday, April 3, 2011


She and I walk and we talk, a sweetness treasured.
He and I shoot, I do well, very, he enjoyed the day.
So miss you.

Saturday, April 2, 2011


Our friend and his girl are hear a day or two
Our neighbors come, a quartet swirl of doubles
And solitary me.

Friday, April 1, 2011


A full day, of people busy working and a good drive
No bumps. It is quiet for a bit of time
I am tired.

Tired, a result of these months ongoing of sorrow,
However well one believes to be doing, it does wear,
Takes it ounce

Maybe more and however steady, healing slows,
Time needed for small things grows, I plod,
Best as able.