8/31

We are buffeted, bullied by Atlantic storm waves

Surged high, giving a free rein on high winds allowing

Respite from grief.

8/30

A gift today of company, sweet little"sister"in law and

A time to be together remembering other days, these days, you,

To be family.

8/29

Along sun-dappled warming roads, I ride with Faith,

Soon to hear her sing and where I no longer have song,

Hers lift me.

8/28

Look within the moment, for each is it's own small piece,

And prepare a place that allows one to weigh one's humor

Breath by breath.

8/27

Two friends paint with me, work with me on

An idea Annie & I have. Good to see what works, to

See them work.

Later their husbands bring lobsters and butter and wine.

An evening of talk, a house happy with guests and I yes, but

Miss you so.

8/26

Like young puppies full of life, of love

Come the pair I saw married months back to

Visit with me,

Ride horses with me, with a friend,

Break bread, talk of their time, old times,

Times with you.

8/25

Tonight a full moon shines bright and the tides rise high

As high as ever they did this last terrible winter past, flooding

Only to ebb low.

Tonight a cacophony of honks heralds a first flight of geese

A ragged arrow arcing west, wings whir-whirring which

Only I hear.

Tonight yet again I will lie my head down

On a single pillow, under sheets air cooled,

Only one alone.

8/24

This closet holds two dear hugs woven from threads

Dyed colors sweet, but sweeter yet the thoughts one

Held for me.

The gift's beauty is reflected in the dearness of the giver,

Whose thoughts of wrapping arms around the relentless tide of

Grief's hard sway

In hopes of proffering comfort in a moment gentled in a plait

Of softly dyed threads, reminds one of the loveliness held here,

A sweet blessing

8/23

During this hour, these yesterdays and tomorrows

I go about the day doing little of difference, seems, than

Ever I did.

Walk the dogs, throw hay to horses, tidy the place,

Talk with friends, paint and do my chores as

Ever I did.

But ever before all done in the beautiful cocoon

Of our community of two, now in singled solitude as

Never I did.

8/22

How words can hurt and I did allow a friend's unwitting

Ones to cut me, for certain because they would have you,

Had you heard.

Had you been here today, riding with us, with me

The only term used in the joshing would have been

Frugal, no doubt.

And I could reword a phrase too. So, we both repent,

Jeesopeet, the words misused and the pain caused.

I miss you.

8/21

I do manage to keep on, trucking I suppose, filling time

Sometimes fixing it to my needs, keeping myself

Upright and steady.

But not a day, an hour, a minute passes that loneliness

Creeps content to fill your space in me with despair, however

Hard I hold.

8/20

This morning out by the door to your studio I painted

This view of the soft light across the fields we found

Pleasing through us.

8/19

For there is no aloneness, no solitude, no obligation to isolation

Vowed as fierce as this placed between us, unchosen, life now a line

Changed by kind.

8/18

This summer spent working elsewhere is done and I,

I have returned to a lull, a neap in the tides of progress to

This place alone.

Hope was to earn these months the hard will to gather

The glass shards I sleep with and through this fiery drought,

Reshape my metal.

Brittle the glass of my heart, yeah molten would easier mold,

But this anguish of soul, heralded by loneliness, can not break easy

Past the solitude.

8/17

Getting started is not a simple thing, even through this summer

Spent seeking orientation, looking for the gesture sweeping

Enough to carry.

These small onsets, small paintings of small concepts held dear

Encompass the large gesture of a friend's consent to share her

Ideas with mine.

8/16

Faith's birthday, close to mine. These last years we four shared dinner

And drinks, laughter, two couples. This year is commemorated quieter,

A tradition nipped.

8/15

The day is split, flying here, driving there, goodbyes to a friend

Whose kindness is a sweet balm, entering this house, once home,

Do I mind.

8/14

We return this cooler morning to paint more joined

By another and our teacher. I stand watching him work,

New perceptions rise.

8/13

Under ever changing skies, rain and hot sun

This group paints, a harmony resting over all,

Peace for learning

8/12

Between waves of pain, between waiting

for relief, this is mine alone to deal with until

friends come though.

8/11

Today was laid flat, as once were you,

By a kidney stone, having to deal with this

without you

8/10

Do not get too complicated to quickly

Compare ones values against each other

Consider the harmonies.

8/9

Here is what I can still not fathom:

How to make good decisions, good choices, then

Stick to them

Choices that must reverberate across my very soul,

Roils in turbulence sure to change a life as wholly as

Did your death.

8/8

On the move again, the car and bags packed

Tickets, boarding passes confirmed, with a friend

Am moving off,

8/7

I am grateful for friends and family who care and stand by me,

Who love me anyway. I am grateful for the years together with you but

Did want more.

8/6

Epiphany: a sudden intuitive perception of

Or insight into the reality or essential meaning

Of something...

Usually initiated by some simple occurrence or experience.

Yes, I did get insight, perception into a reality

Seven months ago

8/5

One could say, I've been coping with coming home

To an empty house by staying away so long, so often, even

It looks good

8/4

Home now really isn't much easier but I am more centered.

The future still looks murky but, hey I needn't clean it up

this very instant.

To help I have sought others in a like way

Hoping their support and wisdom will in time help

Thankful they are there.

8/3

No, not so very ugly, just confused still.

No surprise there and I am letting things settle,

Looking for rest.

8/2

You, Dear, I would implicitly heed. As one says, am I

a mean spiteful bloodsucker leeching care from those

I consider friends?

Am I now an ugly thing confusing, using

Others to my benefit only, not caring or carrying

My own grief.

A sticky bit, however, that stresses this is mine alone

On all levels, that no other should I lean on, not others since

no longer you.

Mine the concern only

Mine to just deal with it

Mine alone, bitch,

8/1

This day I sit the gallery, this day a painting of mine sold,

Gone to grace another's home. Would that I could just call

And tell you.