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More was done around the house today,
I seem to be acquiring a fixer-upper fella,
Good for now.
Dinner here with friends, like cooking
having folks around this table. Miss you too.
Read something today
Staying too still, become an artifact of oneself.
Sometimes moving forward, as a manta-ray must,
The better choice.
Pony penning day on the island, went with
A ‘Teaguer in the evening to
See the ponies,
Eat fried foods and enjoy the carnival.
Ponies were surrounded by crowds
Finding simple pleasure
In watching them. People, watching
Ponies - though perhaps the reverse also
Is true....nah.
Perhaps considering making a new step
Is coming to be acceptable, no longer
Quite so frightening
Or scary in a different way, or perhaps
Even alone, I am becoming stronger,
Perhaps I can.
What did I do this day? Read,
Write and let my thoughts mull
Where they will.
What did I discover through all that?
I’m ok with getting here fixed and me
Closer to considering
Possibilities, of being able to move on,
Not because I need to run; but, maybe because
I want to.
Woke to a soft rain, then day spent alone,
Mowing, cleaning, thinking about
Meaning and values,
Mine now, now that you aren’t here.
Ours depended on being together, only,
I am alone
Now, walking the labyrinth in the summer
Dusk - what do I value now and where
Will that lead.
Not feeling well enough to drive, so
Will not have new paintings in the gallery
Fine with that.
Paint through the day between errands,
Decks are done, pool finally is clear,
Enjoy quiet evening.
The house slowly is getting done,
The upkeep list is long, I tackle it
Bit by bit.
A day of rest and quiet, paint some,
walk with dogs, take tea,
Nap with cat.
Dinner with a friend, errand for supplies,
Need to fix some battens on the workshop,
Time for sleep.
Thunderstorms last night, little sleep,
A soft wet day for doing inside and
So I painted.
Back to some block-ins and go-ons,
A day spent working in the studio,
Working for myself
On ideas that intrigue me and if these
Go on to grace another’s walls, good.
If not? Fine.
When I look around here, first I see:
Where you were in this beautiful place
Where we lived.
But it is no longer that, only where
I live, alone, and although the neighbors
Are so good
They are not you, and not as fulfilling
As I need. It is time to contemplate
Life for me.
A week away. It is good, suppose, to be back
Here where we lived. Fine to see Austin and the
Lovely hill country.
Can feel a seismic shift occurring around
A friend’s changes and thoughts of
My own coming,
Opening onto possibilities. Some to lean into,
Yearning, hopeful. Others still bring sorrow
For chances gone.
My thought all those years ago about this
Mountain town were good.
It is sweet.
A morning spent talking to an artist,
Wandering through studios and
Finding good coffee.
With any place I go these days
I peer about, wondering could I live
Here? Perhaps so.
Driving across Tennessee, never been here.
The mountains are wonderful, by evening
We’re in Asheville.
Driving through new country, something
I like to do now, you know, I miss you,
Always miss you.
Was I helpful today to my friend, not really.
Hung over and riding shotgun, sometimes
That is enough.
This hill country is spare and bone through
As beautiful as I was hoping and I am
Glad being here.
I have always been good at helping. Friends,
Family, others. I ask where am I needed to
Anyone but me.
I am glad to be here helping a friend
Glad to see a new area, and glad it isn’t a
Place I’d choose.
Spent a quiet day ensconced in a friend's place
Enjoying the space and the time, oh, oh, oh,
All the time.
To read a lot and draw a little
To rest quietly throughout the hours,
Before taking leave.
Courage comes from facing fears
And finding a way through. Simplicity allows
For more clarity.
Recognize both the burdens and the benefits
And give thanks for the joy, wisdom, pain and
Beauty they bring.
Share life.
Give your commitment
To what you love and follow
It with dedication.
Give love with caring
And responsibility and expect
The same back.
Give consideration in the small things
As well as the great and all these
Will enrich life.
I am alone now, learning to accept and, when
Loneliness stays away, to embrace it. I have had
Love, life shared
With a good man, had the best. There will be other
Bests. Perhaps not such a love again, but good things
None the less.
I would be in a place where beauty surrounds all
And is welcoming. A place where I can paint, have
Friends, family near.
Life is a craft we practice,
Discipline the foundation that
Lets us excel.
In dealing with others, with oneself, be honest.
To those most dear, show love and treat
All with integrity,
Be patient, be tolerant of others. With them
Learn and appreciate the arts, literature, music,
Sports and travel.
I love you, my dear, and will always,
I love you, and will always, wondering
What would've been.
I love you for all the love you gave, will always.
I love you for all days to come, will always, what
We would’ve shared.
I love you for the grace I carry from you,
I love you for all days forward, will always, carry,
You with love.
Being here, as suns set, letting thoughts
Of the last dozens plus hours seep through
Mind and soul.
Seeping indeed, a slow, quiet drip-drip,
So ever insistent, so needing acknowledgment
Where it flows,
And like water moving where it will, what
It erodes and what it opens is sometimes
Hard to determine.
Warmer today and I have putzed about
Working on projects inside, and waiting
Again on others.
Never caught up w/ friends, the painter
Never caught up with me. Miscommunication
throughout the day
Mulling this and yesterday's revelation of how I
Worry over others at my expense. Time to care for
What I need.
Worked the morning painting decks,
Allowing to rise the good in this house beyond
My petty despairs.
By early afternoon had shifted into a better place.
Not a great place but enough of a place to slip
In some gratitude.
Rode with friends, a horse not used much,
Barn sour, got dumped. I felt a duty to another
A newer rider,
Why? A tendency to assume obligation where
Now I need not. Indeed, as here, I have little
Status or position.
Indeed, I came a cropper totally and who cares
For me? No one truly. Still, managed to
Enjoy fireworks later.
Wake to rain and winds as the first hurricane
Of the seasons slips north east of here.
Enjoy the quiet morning
While listening to a story of caregiving
For one’s love who no longer knows you
Because of dementia.
A fate Jack will never face, a small kindness.
As for me? Who knows, meanwhile the day’s
Weather is delightful.
These days I have spread through the house
More. Which, as I allow, does show me things
So needing attention,
Four years of, basically, neglect. I hadn’t the will
Or strength to do more than care. Still care, now
Have some strength.
Will need it as I finally accede to all
Aspects of this is my life now, and of it, all ,
Deserves kind consideration.
Hot, hot, today with humidity high,
The go-go’s and I hunkered in the cool
Of the house,
As I putter through paperwork, content
Doing so, in spite of the grief I hold which
Wishes mostly otherwise.
It is easier to go along with that but
I feel, and believe you would wish, another
Otherwise for me.
A tree trunk’s width of time passing,
The sun’s path setting as it wanders
Across the horizon
One journey, another streams east to west
Another day in time with sweat, aching muscles
Moving through dawn
To dusk, with all going wrong early on
Finally smoothing to good by evening with
A welcomed tired.
