5/31

Where I live now is under my care 
And I do realize that.
It needs care, 

Which I am allowing for that although
All it requires sometimes tugs 
My soul hard

Both for the sorrow remembered as for
How sometimes things done well promises 
Perhaps harmony again.

5/30

Most of the day has been spent 
Working in the yard, clipping and
Replanting, getting dirty.

My friend walks past anything green
Reaches out to pet or trim and admire
All its beauty

While considering what 
Can she do to make it 
Healthier, and happier.

5/29

Up early to neaten the house, 
Paint some and do a few chores
Company is coming.

5/28

Painted, on an old painting, after
Seeing so much in it I do not like,
Just wasn’t working. 

Thinking about what I did I see 
In this that originally made me want 
To paint it

Simplified and reworked it back 
To a place that is allowing me to 
Again like it.

5/27

“The achievements of exile are permanently 
undermined by the loss of something 
left behind forever”

Some days I am held up by achievements
incredible. Others? Undermined but what’s
Left behind forever.

Either way, I believe now both carry a 
deep caring for the life-forwarding need
To express love.

5/26

Rode today with friends, rode. Part of this working farm
Includes space, views and quiet. Yet, too quiet now is
Not so good

As life for me envelopes more quiet than often I can cope.
Yet, throwing a leg over the two horses today was good,
Riding is good

Where, would I go? What, would I gain, would I loose?
Why would I stay, really, why. And why would I go? I want
To be rooted.

5/25

Status quo is no longer I just want to go back...as,
there is no back. Whether I wish or not, status quo
Is now changed

And while the memories of the heart hold dear, 
Concern is where will my status quo go, where 
Shall life continue.

Four years out and still sometimes, the enormity 
Of the change just overwhelms. Where do I need
To be now?

5/24

Read today:...”we see every adverse situation 
as a challenge to restore ourselves to the 
status quo ante. 

You know the refrain: I just want 
To go back to how things were. 
This seem shortsighted.

How things were might well have 
led you to the ways things 
have woefully become”.  

from In Light of What we Know - Zia Haider Rahman

5/23

A friend practices her flute 
In my living room, 
Loves the sound 

She can produce in this space. 
It is amazing this room has that,
Who knew?

5/22

Am home with time 
To ponder well the weaknesses 
Which I allow 

To color my days 
And shorten them in a
myriad of ways, 

Am home with time 
To contemplate have I strength
To change. Yes.

5/21

Worked in the yard today planting the plants 
I brought from mom’s; as if certainly 
I‘ll be here 

Long enough to see these grow and spread.
And considering that makes me queasy, 
Makes me wonder,

Have I been here already too long? 
Reminding me: this is my only life. 
Now, consider that.

5/20

Haying day today 
And however else I feel 
About this place,

I do love it is a working farm, 
Even if all I have to do is
Watch grass grow.

5/19

Up early to head out, dogs in the back,
I head down the road into traffic, as if it 
Were a sign


That leaving wasn’t what I wanted and 
After the long, hard drive, neither was getting
To this house

5/18

A week spent where I once did live, spent mostly in time 
With my family, with just what came with each hour,  with 
A good friend.

5/17

One day walked the old path to the beach, all wrapped in
Soft light and thought how beautiful this small bay is, 
I miss it.

5/16

If I can come up here and get this problem taken care of,
Can’t I do the same for myself? Consider what needs doing,
And do it.

5/15

Well what do you know
The new car is here and 
Mom is happy

5/14

Another a day seeing other cars,
Understand my mother’s need to 
Check everything out. 

With my brothers’ help this is doable

But the only other contender is more than 

We should pay. 

With their support, choose to stay with the first, 
Am met with no enthusiasm. Now what
Do I do.

5/13

Spent the day on the internet,
narrowing the choices of cars to see 
To a handful. 

Then went to see the first on the list 
The one closest to the criteria needed, 
Fits well, phew.

5/12

Came up to visit, placed a rose 
For you with love, and 
Shared a beer. 

You didn’t mind, did you, I goofed, 
T’was hard cider. Then thought about 
The newest car 

You are again getting for my mother. 
With you in my memory, walking with me, 
I'll do it.

5/11

My brother’s yard is a wonderful place to sit,
Or not. I say so because the go-go’s love
Running through it.

5/10

Up early and away for the long drive north
Go-gos sleeping quietly in back we arrive
Finally, to find

The cars at my mother’s all undone, hers fatally.
I wonder, had I not arrived now, when ever would
I had learned.

5/9

Stayed the day in DC with a friend, doing
Small good chores and errands, bought some
lovely small tiles.

5/8

Another day of readying to leave
House is clean enough, cats taken care of
I leave late.

5/7

Thought I had more time to get things together
Before I leave to go see my mother. Per usual, not.
So I painted.

5/6

If the island drawing session were once a week rather than 
Catch as catch can,  most weekly social needs I have would 
Be well met.

5/5

Tywla Tharp's words of the muse “That for whom I long to labor”
Has hovered in my mind a long time, not at all clear. For what
“That”, and “whom”?

To my question a friend did reply: "That for whom I long to labor
Is something inside me, another voice that speaks...to me. It is
Like the wind,

Sometimes blowing long and hard, forcing me to bend in its direction. 
Other times, so gentle a  breeze, I need be so still to feel, to not move 
too quickly, strongly. 

That 'wind' within is for whom I labor, even when it isn't there, 
treasuring the times I feel it strongly, it makes the laboring easier". 

I say, "Thank-you."

5/4

It is late afternoon and I am not sitting on your bench but
Rather on the deck, reading, writing and allowing ideas,
Thoughts to bloom

In my mind as the breezes cross my face, silk on skin,
While the dogs lay underfoot and I imagine life here
Or anywhere else

With only myself and to wonder, what and where and how 
I am considering such. And before all that why would
I have such.

5/3

A day of greeting folks as they came through my friend’s door
To see our work hanging on the walls throughout the house.
I enjoy it.

And that some painting are bought, sweet. And as the sun dropped,
I packed up my paintings and fed, walked the dogs and then,
Made my dinner,

Thinking about being alone in a place other than our home and
Putting on a little house like a potential garment that possibly might,
Even alone, fit.

5/2

Have spent the evening unpacking and re-arranging paintings.
Saying “hi “ to friends and now all looks good, time for
dinner and talking.

5/1

I have spent the day packing paintings for the art walk at a friend’s 
Boxes full, car packed, wall’s empty..that used to make you sad
I agree, bittersweet.