1/31

We humans are social creatures even when going just by twos

Perhaps it is worse by twos for when one goes, where goes

The one left.

1/29

Sitting in the chill air as the day slips to evening,

Here is where I am safe to consider, think about

What can be.

About how scary it can be, uncomfortable, uncertain,

How I move even now through the stillness and quiet

Avoiding hard choices,

Hard questions, hard answers. Silly, what is worst has happened,

Where do I want to be, if it can be, however ephemeral, may now be

Time to consider.

1/28

I am angry tonight, alone and angry, at all your

Twosomes. Do not get me wrong, wish only to you

Your two some.

But, goddamn it, you also so easily need not think of aloneness,

Need consider not oneness, that odd so odd thing. And once,

Neither did I.

1/27

Happiness is a chimera designed to alliviate sorrow,

It fails, yet w do go on, hurting, numbed, horrified. Yet,

We go on.

1/25

"You are just as I remember you"

Said as if it were yesterday not

two decades ago.

No doubt perceptions are individual.

We each have our own looking glass, clear

Or, clearly not.

1/24

Rode in the gentle air this day, through the sun-backed shadows

To glimpse the past in a moment, ghost riding, of sweet memory.

Then read today:

"Death robbed me of the physical presence of the person

I want to be with but I shouldn't let it rob me of the enjoyment

Of this activity."

1/23

How difficult, in those early months, was a moment, how all

Was just surreal, realizing that life without really was becoming:

"This is it?"

I ran long and whenever I could to wherever. Still do.

But now recognize that perhaps as a start to "go on", which

Is not bad.

Sorrow has, contrary, not flipped me off my rockers, around

The bend, and know others have trod these sorry boards to good.

So will I.

1/22

Between dark ultramarine skies and white glowing surf,

Horizons disappear in a smudge of deep blackness beyond what

Eyes can see.

1/20

Special to walk the sands of the oceans edge under lowering skies

Colored in luminous grays of an impending front, horizons smudged

To soft lines.

1/19

For a few days friends filled my studio, my house with their presences,

Thoughts and ideas, giving much to the discussions,leavened with good

Food and painting.

1/17

Re-lived, re-assessed, re-worked, re-member, re-align, we re-hash

For sure and allow each the grace to live through the horrible,

Re-cognize the similar.

To re-alize and allow re-emerging, re-evaluting and re-creating,

Re-membering, where we have been and working, with memory

Towards the good,

Our kindness, abilities partially tested to guide us, these lists

Should include apprehension, fear, anxiety, glimmer, expectancy,

Chance and contentment.

1/15

Some days wonder where am I going, still the love I had

This I know to be true. May not be food on the table but it can

Nourish my soul.

And keep at bay the terror of lonely, allow grace to accept.

Somewhere in all this, I persevere hoping to slip through as others,

To another level.

On this 20 Teveth, knowing my path has been trod

by others in the years, the eons past brings some comfort

To my heart.

1/13

There but for the Grace of God go I, evoked to ward

off ill. A different phrasing: There by the Grace of God

Will I go,

May serve better, as I hear of the lives of others ahead,

Not what they envisioned, how? but going and it is not all

A sob story

1/12

Ah, those timelines of grace, of purgatory.

When going through them now, it is purgatory at best,

Hell more likely.

Yet, I have found sometimes of others who are further,

A comfort of kind, a place of rest and hope, that allows

A bit of grace.

1/11

Perhaps I am batting away at more cobwebs and fog

Than is really here in my life but, well, I don't wear

Glasses for nothing

And readily will acknowledge I don't always see clearly, so try:

Do the thing that's less passive. Do the active thing. There's more of

the human in that.

1/10

Love geese, watching them, hearing them honking, the whooshing

Of wings as they fly over. Loved our breakfasts highlighted by

Their incoming flights.

Loved all the homes where we lived that they allowed

These places let us be aware of what those walking the

wild-side were doing.

1/8

Today joined friends to walk dogs on the Ocean City beaches.

Theirs were well behaved, mine wanted to poop all over, they just

love beach sand.

I was picking poop and my darlings were trying to poke yorkies,

But the beach is wide, encounters few and those pleasant, play fun,

I was sweating.

A walk back along the boardwalk, a stop at a pub, (called Cork You?

- what the goldies wanted to do to the yorkies) for bloodies, pizza, a

welcome for dogs.

1/7

When the sun starts slipping below the horizon, turn away from it,
Turn and lift your eyes to the light gilding each tree. There you

Will see me.

1/6

A week ago placed a red rose for you and opened

A beer, winter lager you would like, to share -

Jayne, me, you.

A year ago kept busy painting, holding tight the pain

Of loss, finding comfort in a painting a master did.

Took it home.

Two years ago, shattered, the beautiful pieces left are

Still sharp, not dulled any, but held in love another day,

Even this day.

1/5

Tears, for poignancy of time as "memory marks the moments

We are aware". And sometimes we are not aware where we might

Mark a memory.

1/4

Route 9, a way never taken by us, we knew it not, yet

This day over Reedy Point, tears seep for beauty seen and

Thoughts of loss.

1/3

Drove through cold as I have not felt in two years,

Over the mountains of our home state to stay

With our friend

A night before heading south. Over dinner he spoke

Of permission, of daring, of doing. His words echoing

Of keeping memory

And carrying the past gently, of embracing what's to come,

Moving onward towards it. As you would have wanted for me,

And I for you.

1/2

With your sister I have spent good hours

Over coffee, searching sales, being her guest,

Doing simple things.

1/1

Cooked last night for mom and friend,

Baked stuffed lobster and prosecco, just we

Three, widows all.

Fresh flowers shared the table with laughter,

A few tears as I thought of time passed,

Now standing alone.

How have I born being without you, done good and not.

Perhaps time to embrace your memory and friends, now

And to come.