11/25

Rode the little yellow horse with friends.

Every time I swing a leg over a saddle

I remember you.

Sun has set over the river marshes leaving

The soft winter colors to slowly fade and

I remember you.

Quiet enough to hear distant neighbors, tractors,

Sibilant murmurations as small flocks wing over, all remind

Me of you.

11/24

Walked the weedy paths this cool morning,

Hearing trees creak and on high a red hawk calls:

Keek-ker-keek.

On the inward turns, wish for reminders that friends, far or near

Care. The dogs romp through glowing plumed grasses and

A reminder comes.

On the outward turns, hope to meet the day with grace, with

Contentment. The sun-washed air so clear, is soft, sweet and I

Can look forward.

11/23

Revisiting holidays, need change, not to ignore but to reflect

How time moves. We all have dates, holidays that have meant much.

(Opening Day, Fenway)

Now left with a desire to reinvent, reinstate, remodel these dear dates,

Reminded not even He (or She) did it all in a day, for sure, nor will I,

Oh thank-god!

11/22

Allow the laughter, the corollary to the tears,

Allow friends well met to give comfort and allow

This takes time

11/21

Part of this journey is learning to breathe past the being scared

And taking hold, however much we would rather just let it all

Go pass us.

11/20

Perhaps I thought would I would be firmly decided

On the next course of my life, whatever that

Is to be.

Thought I'd have not only a better idea of what it was

But a mapped out strategy to stride confidently along,

Good with myself.

Instead, here I am, while able to consider past "dinner"

Still feeling so overwhelmed by all that is out there and of

Going it alone.

11/19

Conflicting thoughts of what I want,or think I want;

Do I even know what I am thinking? And then fear

Starts niggling in.

What am I doing with this life left? This is rhetorical,

We all ask similar, always have. It is doing it alone

That is scary.

Where did I think I'd be, not yet there. True north was

The two of us, my compass is wonky, even if it no longer stays

"South" as long.

11/18

Several weeks of traveling to paint under a master

Several weeks of spending time in the city

With my go-gos.

Guests of a friend and her dog, we all learn new skills.

For me, new competence painting, tired from travel but

Glad for friends.

11/17

An idea that started in that other dearest life

Is coming to fruition in this one. Who'da thunk?

A simple gift.

11/16

It is a silly thing to enjoy this labyrinth mowed out

Of a weedy field with its myriad waving grasses!

Go-go's walk along,

As I watch fishing boats move on the river, hear the

Neighbor's sheep beyond the trees and feel the field

Has now purpose.

11/15

Woke this morning to early morning mists and took

The go-go's for a walk through the dewy paths

Along the woodline.

The horses stood catching the first rays of sun

As it broke through the fog, steam rising eerily

Off their backs.

Parts of the bean crop are down, looking like

Paths made for giants, the whole long, dawn

Field looking magical.

11/14

A two-folly day. First was walking the simple mowed track,

Made me feel empowered, this silly little thing is mine

And is fun.

Then, a symbol of affection left at my door, unwanted,

Seen as a threat to my equilibrium, however ridiculous

That may be.

Only beginning to claim being on my own, to do, be with

Only what and with whom I choose, not looking far on, it is

Only me now.

11/13

With more time on my hands then sense,

Did something have wanted for three houses back,

Mowed a labyrinth.

A wild grasses simple seven-turn labyrinth wide for two

(Or not) to walk along tall weedy borders, next year, perhaps

Flowers and herbs.

11/12

After a weekend in the city, our dogs revel

In the joy of free movement romping, rolling

Through tall grasses.

11/11

Cry quietly, or screaming, cry to the skies and beyond. Then

Scrub eyes, screw up courage to face the world, saying: I'm fine,

Thank-you very much.

11/10

It is up to each of us to keep the web of friend, family, support

Going. And realize the time has come, I need call more or very few

Will call me.

It does take time, and I am under the weather, and effort to keep

One's self in others' lives. Not "good" living, just me trying to figure

Out living now.

11/9

A murmuration, have seen them often over these marshes.

Jack saw one only once, wonder on his face, that morning in January

Almost two years ago.

A mumuration, so aptly like the soft sound of blackbirds

Whirling in exquisite waves that cloud the skies in twittering

Veils of prayer.

11/8

Morning a long-legged fox trotted up the drive, loped

By the door and off along the pasture fence heading

To the woodline.

Evening came and I rode with a friend

Along the farm roads and pass the combines

Under a child's moon.

How slow to realize happy as we were to be alone together;

How miserable now I could be alone

Holding the pain.

11/7

Not sure where I expected to be this far out, certainly

Not with these feelings of quiet, dragging sadness, but

I'm all right.

Or right enough for facing what life is now. Hmmm,

To those who have said think of the adventure, of all

The new chances,

Well, yes, there is that aspect, but also that change

Is not always wondrous or good, that the pain may

Diminish, not disappear.

11/6

As the sun set, hacked home on the good old white horse, thinking

Of good company, good food and saw a bushy bright red fox racing over

The sheep fields.

11/5

In five minutes more the sun will set at 5:59
And tonight it is windy and cool, clear air across
The mile marshes.


Returned from the city and a fine session painting,
Back with our dogs and a cold for company, first
In three years...


Or more, but the first without having someone who
Loves me, cared and was near. I exxagerate, it is
Only a cold.

11/1

I worship the sun, not for a tan but

For the evening ritual that is my last, lasting

Tie with you.

In the cooling, it has been two falls since we

Enjoyed this season. I do not "kept" as well

As did you.

Much as I do not as well as you, as I did with you,

I keep slogging on, looking for equilibrium, looking for

A good life.