10/31

Here, as usual whenever I can, I sit beneath

The river birch on your bench. It is a cool, dusky

Evening darkening sooner.

Halloween, no expectations of trick or treat,

Decade since we need prepare, so the dogs play and

I sip wine.

10/30

A day with the 15th - 17th c paintings of the National Gallery

Wandering among great painters and noticing sweet details

To bring home.

Meant to sketch, a Van Dyke portrait, but got so caught

In all the marvelous touches these painters, had time to draw

Only for minutes.

10/26

You were my closest frind, my husband.

For a time my best friend was a horse, Rowan. Now

Loneliness supplants all.

Now it is there when I wake, less than company,

Now is no one who cares for me or I for them, not

As with you.

Heralding hour on hour, see only drawn days that

Stretch pass my ability to make contact, leaving me

Wrapped in loneliness

10/25

Today another spoke of grieving through to joy,

Not pain. We shared love and wished only good

For each other.

You are not with me here, but knowledge of love,

Ours, holds steady, holds me still. For this I

Will choose joy.

10/24

The skies are clear green and cerulean brushed

By clouds pinked and purpled. The barn cat purrs

While rubbing me.

Starlings flock south, the dogs romp and roll,

A soft evening of color, temp, good night as the

Sun slips down.

10/23

Whenever home, here I sit to watch

the sun set and the stars rise while

Clouds reflect beauty.

Colors so strong and marvelous as were you

ANd all the places where, in comfort, in sweetness,

Our lives twined.

10/22

Rousted five deer out of the beanfields.

Go-go's stayed close while the sun set, am

Back for awhile.

Learning to live alone is one thing as

I so miss the presence of a person who

Is good company.

10/14

Traveling again, doing an art show, variation

On what you watched me do years ago.

Missed your help.

10/13

Spent the day prepping for a show while

Listening, dancing to music I knew before

I knew you.

10/10

Clouds stringing across the sky are purple

Presences against which the first ochre

Of geese wing

Before the sun slipping down in a splendor

Of molten golds, reds and oranges while a sky

Of cerulean blue

Deepens through cobalt and ultramarine to night

Still warm enough for mosquitoes, still I miss the

Presence of you.

10/9

Been thinking of the dynamics around the idea

Of moving towards, which some think is about time.

What about you?

Been listening to the whirr of small birds flying,

How this pleased you, too, and how you are

Ever with me.

10/7

This eve, Yom Kippur starts, day of atonement

Yes I am not so familiar with this high day as perhaps

I should be.

Yet do feel a need to amend, to atone, to seek

Forgiveness, this I do know, do wish, from

And to you.

10/6

Worked around here, then dinner with friends.

Good to be welcomed there with friendship

And tasty food.

Gave me a CD to hear on the ride home, listened

To an arrangement of an oldie.....papa was

A rolling stone....

And when he died, all he left us was alone...

(I am grateful for friends' support) but how

True this feels.

10/5

The sun has set along the river marshes And out

of the west, under a clear sky darkening through blues,

Cerulean to indigo,

In an absence of clouds, hear many geese settling

For the evening. We so loved to hear, to see them,

Harbingers of fall.

Yesterday a milestone once we so looked forward to,

this year I let pass with only my tears, only my

Own solitary company.

10/4

Rode the old white horse this evening, took the dogs

And meandered along the back hay fields to

The farm roads.

While the old fellow grazed, thought of life now.

There is much good in it, you made it

So, even now.

Dealing with it, mostly feel the direction is

Still "away", yet there is a slight turn now

Of moving "towards".

I am surprised how vague, how undefined that is.