8/31

We found places with plenty of spaces for just each other.

I would write "we" again, we have moved...the truth now

Is closer to:

I did move several times, not always ready to go, not done

Seeing, being in the place, whatever place it was we lived.

Perhaps not done

Now with the beauty, privacy, comfort and knowing once

I leave here, never again will I live in a place where "we" made

A life together.

8/30

At times I feel I can go on, hurt and halved but

Able to grow because of you. The flip side is darker.

And I feel:

Got lucky in an instant, then long loved by you.

But where have you gone, and I have my doubts will

I be welcome.

8/29

Perhaps we would've stayed here, liked the area, friends

Finding ourselves in our work. Not careers, yours always more

Viable than mine!

But our work, I loved the studios (studios!) at Line's End Farm!

Loved you had a marvelous space in which to think, to create

And to work.

Loved being able to hang your work on our walls, use it.

It will ever hurt that this path

Was cut short.

8/28

Held within myself, lifted, even in sorrow, that

You did love me, you did never take that for granted.

What a gift.

8/27

Waiting, these few days for Irene to land, in two places.

A hurricane reflects my quandary while here and there

Feel this storm.

8/26

Feel I am coming to a space needed,

Where this faction of grief can be placed safe.

It is not you,

It is, though, that the life you and I moved towards.

Now, towards what am I moving? Perhaps time is here

To consider it.

Letting that dream go isn't easy, however impossible it is.

But the goodness, the strength, the love of you I carry all

You gave me.

8/25

I do now need ask, what do I do? I would ask you

Help me here, even as I do wonder, where, what has

Become of you.

Do you care any longer for what happens here? Have

You moved on, perhaps as you should, to other perceptions,

Spaces of creations?

I cannot know. Are you so far away, I will never, ever,

Not only in this life but in what ever comes, be able

Follow, find you.

8/24

I do not dream of you, or even dream much, nothing

I can, wish to remember. I do wonder, where ever

Are you now?

8/23

Watch the joy of my brother, his wife, their family and am

Ever so happy to sit, eat in their lovely yard, enjoy

Being their guest.

Perhaps more than a just a guest, this is fine with me.

I miss being family with you.

Alone is hard.

Alone, beginning to own it. Alone, not lonely. I choose alone.

A step that requires its due, considers what is

Good for me.

8/22

Dithering, I am a splendor of wavering such as you could not

Imagine, stuck hard in the what-ifs, still so uncertain, indecisive.

Make me wonder

Will ever I have strength, courage to step out and become,

Well, that is the problem, What....how....when?

All need answering.

Where the strength to, not go it alone, you have given me much

That fulfills still, but how the daily steps, maybe small, mine

Alone to do.

8/21

Met a couple my mother has known forever it seems.

Joyful, playful, surrounded by the love of their family.

Good to be.

My family, Dear One, was you, as I was for you and we,

Selfishly, kept our treasure to ourselves, to each of us only,

Good to be.

Now, I will tell you, I am floundering, hah, a funny word.

Not fishy but faltering, struggling, hesitating and a word made

You laugh, dithering.

8/20

To a gallery to see a cousins work.

A good shw, different than what I do.

It shows well.

Looks good and content driven, it is where

We differ. His work is deepened by connection

To the word.

My work just hangs fir itself, I'm afraid. No inner

Meaning, agenda, only a moment when one may wish

To be there.

8/19

A long day, this drive of familiar roads for half a coastline.

I am tired when I get in but glad to stop driving, glad

To see family.

8/17

The white horse is fine, rode with your friend

In our ring, late making dinner, listening to the

Two blue hour.

Thought about the importance of friends. How,

I miss the touch of you. How a quick hug now is

All I get.

The company of friends who will sit awhile, give the

Touch of their time is as sweet water. With you was

As good wine.

8/14

Cleaning, organizing my workspace, you ever said yes,

wherever we lived, take it you said and my space

Was a studio

8/11

Painting with friends, working in the studio

Work done during hours even with friends

Mark good time.

8/7

No candles lit this day in celebration, no, not that.

But a dinner was made, with friends, who knowing or not,

Ease the day.

8/3

Nine hours to get back to where I live alone,

home, or ghost moments of memory where

Once we lived.