5/31

Special, yes, yes, it is a difference of degree beyond kind.

But not ready for: Do I like it here? Answered quick: no.

Not without you.

A story of a woman never changing her house. Just ennui?

Or why when she might leave. Another says, its her jump off spot.

We've described ourselves.

5/30

Two friends arrive, it is hot, turn up the a/c.

Pool is fine, fish for dinner, plenty of clams,

Enough for all.

While having company is good, I know, still,

Part is needing others to see that where we lived

Really is special.

5/29

We stayed an extra night, who could know

Our talk would allow all to speak of things needed

And to listen

5/28

You, my Dear, spent many a year watching me head out

To do antique shows. This is similar, you know, particularly

When its slow.

5/27

Out the door, just a two hour drive to set up.

Looks all right, then off to a friends to stay.

Love her studio.

Back for the preview party and sell a painting

To a couple, their anniversay gift, nice but will be

My only sale.

Still, good and I am glad. Someone came.

They saw my work and now want to live with it,

That is good.

5/26

Thought to put everything on the walls,

Invite friends to see it all up. You liked that.

Out of time.

5/25

Listening to the radio while getting things done.

Paintings are framed, boxed and priced,

I am hoping.

Will this upcoming weekend be good?

Who knows. Done what I can and now hope

For some sales.

5/24

Brian wakes early, goes for coffee and returning

Bids good morning to the fisherman nearby, then goes.

I miss them.

Off to paint with friends, shell-pink geraniums,

Hear one repeat advice I have given, good to know my

Words are heard.

5/23

A whole day with my brother and his wife,

We drive to share and to talk and to just

Spend time together.

5/22

Here is close enough to Hershey PA, I welcome

My brother, my sister in law, glad to have

Then finally here.

Because, for whatever poor reasons I harbor, having

My brother see this place where we did live together

I find important.

It is the last place ever that ever will be ours, perhaps

Brian, being here, will have an idea of where I come from,

What I loose.

5/21

Went to listen to music, mainly flute

played by a friend for an appreciative group.

Chose to sit alone.

Went with her and her husband afterwards

To enjoy food and drink and joke and remember

the beautiful music.

5/20

A friend wonders how we were the hermits

At the end of the road, happy to be so.

He sounds wistful.

To him so it continues for me, time off away

Then returning to this place of quiet by myself, hmmm

Not quite, really.

5/19

Days slip by, one following another

Marking minutes, marking hours, marking time

Gone, not measured.

5/18

Listen to the radio, a friends' blues show

I plan dinner for me and drink wine watching

the sun set.

5/17

An evening with friends we first met here. They fed me well,

Not only good food but kind words and conversation and

Of remembering you.

5/16

Another busy weekend, the painting is good, as was

Time spent with friends. I am tired and my dog has become

Afraid of thunderstorms.

5/15

It is a pleasure to paint these morning studies

With others and I am happy with how this

Painting is going.

5/14

Again to the city for another open studio

Again to be swept up in another kind of life.

It is different.

5/13

Living alone is something I now do, with varying success.

Mostly it feels like trying to string a strand of really good days

(not daze) beads.

And mostly by the end of a week, it's mostly been a strand

with a single bead not followed by another. Mostly this, but

Not every week.

5/12

Who to list as contact in case of emergency. I leave it blank.

Nope, can't do that, has to be a name written. I write in

My own name.

This is acceptable. I quip: Should something happen

To me, you better be ever so sure to get a hold of

My emergency contact.

5/11

Sunset was beautiful this evening, a soft haze with low clouds

From which the sun ducked in a red gold shine before sinking

Below the marsh.

A few pairs of gees winged above, the dogs were content

To sit leaning against each other at my feet. The tug rumbled

Up the river.

5/10

A year and five months out, these days fall in a good place.

Will take the good ones where ever they land, thank you.

These were kind.

I'll take them but reserve the right to mourn the ones

That will not ever be. And will cherish those I had

With my dear.

And give allowance for those days now and then can be good.

To permit possibility that maybe life can be loved because

Life remembered was.

5/9

Up early to paint a stream in another nearby park,

(Who knew parts of greater DC had such great little parks?) then

coffee and conversation.

Three hours to home, walk the dogs, cut the grass,

Get a lesson in changing mower blades, then

Watch the sunset.

5/8

A quiet morning painting in a lovely studio.

Dinner with a friend's family, a grandchild's gift of roses.

Touched near tears.

5/7

A lovely day filled with art and people enjoying

All the splendid work, weather, each other,

All this happiness.

5/6

This evening framed a friend's paintings for her show.

She and her brother-in-law bantered happily while arranging,

Happy to listen.

5/5

The weather soft and sweetly warm, no bugs.

A good day to ride and I did, glad for the chance to sit

A different horse.

5/4

Today was rain and thunder, which we needed. ("we" -

A hard habit to break) but cleared to a beautiful sunset.

Bug season pending.

5/3

Don't feel quicker to anger now, maybe less so. Why bother?

Occasionally a comment hurts, but weighed against the good,

let it go.

5/2

"Gone but not forgotten." While we are remembered,

We live on. Mostly not much beyond memory of our nearest.

And that's okay.

5/1

Learning to live alone is the task taken on;

Learning to dredge through the (long hours of) loneliness

To contentment alone.