12/31

Eve a new year, we honored by sleeping through,

Waking with the morning into the new,

Sleepy, happy, together.

Honestly, little welcome here for this year, less

For the last. Movement fords forward, with you only

In my heart.

12/30

Mostly not doing things that so need being done

But spent time with a neighbor, driving, talking,

Tending small errands.

Taking time for talk, small or not, for sharing

Lunch, thoughts, ideas, for enjoying the company

Of good friends.

12/29

A day spent driving, taped books, dogs, sifting

Through my own slushy thoughts for harmony,

a resting place.

Over snow-packed roads, into sharp cold air

Find the car-park, the walk to the door

My path cleared.

Welcomed home by these small kindnessess

This simple caring of friends, gives to me

Such grateful comfort.

12/28

A day waiting, this time to go back

Hah, back, wistful time, waiting, now

To go forward.

12/27

By an old faith it is a year this day, but I haven't it in me

To keep track of two calendars, not now, not while

Living in transition.

Yet, will next week be any easier?

Won't be where we lived then either, only moving

Through more change.

But as I travel further into living alone, searching

New anchor points, one always, is a candle lit for you

In my heart.

12/26

A blizzard whirls around, winds, flurries intensely

Buffet as the dogs walk and I am intensely, acutely aware

You aren't here.

12/25

It is possible to be in company, family, others,

And to be fines, enjoy their company, a day loe filled

For each other.

But I can not help but be aware you are not here,

That the space you no longer fill is so really missed

Most by me.

12/24

A quick trip leaves my mother sprawled, down.

A trip to emergency, she leaves hurt, banged a bit,

But is fine.

Not an easy day which does not improve,

We are all testy, thin-skinned, hurting. Walk dogs

Crying in coldness.

12/23

A day begun with a good friend and coffee, time

Together doing small tasks, consideration given to

Where life goes.

An afternoon spent in small things once taken

For granted, now fraught with meaning, return

To strong coffee.

Evening gathers family, food and quiet

Conversations carrying across decades, cake,

Coffee, good hours.

12/22

Accommodations may meed be made for grief, perhaps

Part is the assimilation of it into my life, which is not

Just my grief.

12/21

It has snowed most of this day. I hang

on the edge between happy and un, aware

choice is mine.

12/20

A friend, a wise one spoke of "used to's";

How the pain when remembering what used to be became

Bridges for her.

Making peace wit the pain of "used to's", of separation,

Allowed eventually, bridges not simply to her Dear but

To her future.

12/19

Woke early to join a friend, a sunday service;

Music, song, company, to talk of many things

Not be alone.

12/18

All this day walked knowing a mark

Had passed, a time we were hopeful and

Full with ourselves.

I am not so filled with just myself but am trying.

It is not always good but I keep my feet moving, even

If only shuffling.

12/17

Here the year approaches, twelve month since we knew you

Had cancer, yet so hopeful, so hopeful, so trusting and then

You were fine.

Now recognize have felt but some of the toll, grasp more will come.

Now realize each step taken, every breath exhaled just takes me further

From our time.

Three rings, our rings circle my finger that has gladly worn

Their weight, slight in ounces, yet now a ton of emotion, in joys,

In sorrows born.

12/16

A trigger felt fleeting along the heart's edges, hesitation brought

Forward by first snow, wary in spirit of this return unheralded,

Wary of winter.

12/15

Yet another spate of days scratching sharp across the soul

Mainly making it hard to see the beauty, to feel movement, mainly

Making me tired.

12/14

It is with surprise I find how I can plan for, look forward.

Yet always is the sorrow knowing you would support but

You aren't here.

Yes you are always in my heart, this sweetest gift allows

Comfort to me for the goodness of knowing you so well, but

I miss you.

12/13

Dogs love coming home. Made an omelet

Which we will all share. They can have none

Of the wine.

With bits of lamb and cheese, all things we so like.

Suppose, if I can think of food every so often, then

Life goes on.

12/12

The truth? I hate, three times cursed, hate

You are not here. To the very roots of myself can't stand

You are gone.

That is the truth for me, can't avoid that bit of life,

Where once we did whirl simpatico, strong in each, now

I go alone.

12/11

Today I know more of old generators than ever would

You believe. Not so much to fix, but with more assurance

To keep going

12/10

Good talking, paint and food lace the early day

Painting each other, moving quickly, all conspire to well

Feed the soul.

12/9

Cold, cold the morning along this creek but the river

Stones I paint are not so bad! Nearby Annie paints also,

Quiet good company.

12/8

Up the road go the go-go's and I

Lunch with people newly met, carrying on

To a friend's.

12/7

Time spent, an afternoon, an evening, helping

Friends put up their tree, decorate, enjoy company

Food and wine.

12/6

Eleven months out, too long my Dear, moving beyond

To one alone, I am doing. But, well, you only saw best

Beauty to me.

12/5

MB, MB, I will remember the sun gilding your hair golder,

Your laugh, your smile. Mostly your painting. You, alas, will

Grow no older.

MB, MB, would I could have swapped. Then, I to my dear,

And, ah, you to my old shell, would've surprised for your dear.

Rest well, Girl.

2-3-4, I tell you tell you, I love you more

3-4-5, I tell you tell you, I will survive

6, can't fix.

12/4

I learn to take time for errands needing doing,

Time for doing with others, time for small pleasures,

Time with friends.

12/3

Sometimes I feel like the laces of my shoes.

Holding all together tightly...than come days I feel

Like the soles.

12/2

Given a gift of history, her story, filled with valor,

Causes my own to strengthen, I find courage

Hearing her details.

More rises from a simple state of grace, a path

She now looks to stride as she prays me strength, peace.

I am heartened.

With hugs, tears, with smiles, hope, off she drives

But I am granted an afternoon friend and music,

Flute echos voices.

12/1

Wined, dined by a friend in a place, frankly,

You would never go, lol! We laugh, we cry,

Her presence welcomed.