10/31

A dear friend harbors me this weekend, not all that easy.

Easy for concern, love given of these and other friends but not

For lack of you.

My best show here ever, new people as well as old caring enough

To take home my paintings. Friends well wished but I miss

My finest fan.

10/30

It is good creating something and see it pleases another:

Food prepared, homes well made, children raised, love nurtured.

My paintings sell.

10/29

Once again on the road, once again on Branch where

All those years ago I first traveled to join you on

Our marvelous adventure.

It was, you know, marvelous. Our Farm, Finally,

A place to live, to grow, to love. Addresses did change.

Not the love.

Now, not an easy road to drive for more than traffic,

Now, not a road we would want to, heavy with progress, we'd

Now feel misnamed.

10/28

Yesterday I rode with our friend along this river's marshy banks

Places we had yet to go. I am grateful for his good company but, well,

It wasn't you.

But the day was so fine and I enjoyed riding these new trails,

Listening to his tales of who else has lived this land, all the while

Quietly missing you.

I will, you know, miss you. It is part of me now and I hold it,

Remembering you and I, even while reveling in this evening's

A glorious sunset.

10/27

How? How do we touch each other?

How. In the glance, the soft touch we live

In each other.

You did touch and lift and allow me so much

Your love a constant support, well of strength

I thank you.

10/26

Vocation, these last past decades mine was our lives together,

Imperfectly but honestly shared. I loved the life we built

Above all else.

Easy to be your wife, easily rewarded as you just loved me;

Nothing else came close. Memory can carry the sustenance of,

Not the substance.

What now the basis of my life, painting was avocation. A switch?

Your love become my avocation. Now possible painting be vocation?

Should it be?

10/25

What do I want? How would I name it? Home.

Even now without my heart's love, a place where soul, memories,

I can rest.

Home encompassing a sense of peace, of sanctuary, of comfort.

Requiring wherewithal for support in value of vocation,

Compensation for toil.

So what is to be my vocation. Learn to live with myself.

Allow this should probably be learned here, where

I presently live.

10/24

What words can I summon this evening late

That might remotely atone our lost nights,

My mourning hours.

This day unveiled in love for you, every step,

Movement, breath, sound, echoing both

love and loss.

10/23

Indeed grateful for all inclusions felt, yet

Recognize that in the laundry of life, am now

An unmatched sock.

10/22

The hours - sweet to tarry and talk with a friend,

Welcomed into her circle filled wisely - are a balm

For strength needed.

10/21

Not glad to close the door on our fine animals,

My friends, family such as it is. I am off along

The road alone.

10/20

This night I am looking for sleep

Having filled the day with anticipation

Of tomorrow's road.

This day the room you called your own

Has changed, you would not recognize it

Much, I'm sad.

This morning came with the soft drumming

Of rain, gray light and horses snorting

And dogs snoring.

10/19

Months of movement manages only so much.

So a little I've learned, I'm quieter maybe, sadder, and now

I am tired.

Tired as chores pile, as duties demand attention, and

I wonder what's missed, while crossing done off a list

that never ends.

Tired of really having only myself to rely on, inept,

unorganized, unstable, unclear, wondering how one keeps

a steady course.

10/18

Through these past fall days, with company or no,

I walk under skies magnificent, weather soft and you

Ever in mind.

10/17

Deep clear blue skies soar above, we ride a morning

searching for glory. With company, I see this beauty

Alone without you.

10/16

In a moment, odd, it hits our old friends

That however finely we might speak of you,

You are gone.

A gesture, remark, the order of your shop,

It hits, you are gone. Then, the moment moves on,

As do they.

Normal, of course, I recognize others will get on,

Natural to do. I know 'we' were paramount only

To you and me.

10/15

A day of prepping for friends coming to visit

Of cleaning and cooking and finally welcoming

Our old friends.

10/14

My Dear always said: I never take you for granted. And he never did.

I tried, always, to let him know he was the best part

Of my life.

10/13

"How are you?" rhetorical, waits to hear, "Good, and you?"

Only, I am not, good. But some know not what to say, yet wish

To be there.

I am thankful to stay in their loop, glad for the time given.

Some get it, returning to normal is never, at best

A different normal.

This kindness of friends, their words of you, often laced with humor,

Allows me motion beyond the grip of grief to a place I might hold it

On my own.

10/12

Quiet morning moments when not a cat sleeps on your side,

Coffee pot needs cups for just one, Delbert McClinton really is giving

It up alone.

Shadows on the workshop path are made by sun shade alone;

Dinner is only me and candles lit in memory, in late moments I lay

finally to sleep

On abed that could be narrowed by half. When I will know

Grief, light or dark, knocks and grief hits daily while my

Heart miss beats.

10/11

Spent the day barefoot padding the backside of Assateague,

Shell-picking with a youngster who would rather not ride

Good beach day

10/10

In a friends sweet visit I find comfort, movement for body, soul

We paint from a neighbor's yard a setting sun in glory and

Drink their wine.

10/9

My name is common - as is yours, my love.

A painting friend and I address to each "the other Linda"

Now another Linda

Walks a path so similar to ours, my love.

Another Jack has left another Linda behind, yet again

Another Linda alone.

We are left to our farewells: fare well our loves.

We fear fair will not be a commodity soon we'll see -

Lost too love.

10/8

Sweet day and evening with painting friends, our work displayed well,

I watch and listen as folks swelled and simple speak their joy

Of our work.

It is a fine thing so many value the work we do

Marvelous when they part with money to take it home

An honor sublime.

As is even, hearing the longing of those who can't afford

But are souls captivated by our simple brushwork, wishing

It was theirs.

10/7

What can I say? The months have piled atop my mind and

I have worked my way through, missing you, as fine as possible but

I am tired.

10/6

The light washes clear, soft, across the far fields and marshes

Under skies tinted cerulean through cobalt filled with dramatic

Purple hues clouds.

The light of three candles cast golden glows and I garner sustenance

From the memories of your love, the support of your friends with the

Food I prepare.

10/5

These days go by not any easier, go not without crying,

However I may look; not by without a thought or three of

Considerations of dying.

However fine the moment, the hour spent, the shallowed

Days clicked off, life clicked off, we both believed time

Here is hallowed.

However hollow the present portion unshared, one must bear;

Beliefs do not allow for shadings, I think now can not risk

Infinity not shared.

10/4

Quietly this day slipped by while other things required tending.

I kept in mind, in heart, quietly, where once on this day we were

And remember quietly.

Twenty three years it would have been.

I would give the world, all of it, in a heartbeat to have you back.

Perhaps, in some way, I have done that - to have had our love

For the time we did.

10/3

Ah what is faith? How to express it? Our Arlo,

Even Cooper, have by faith, a better chance

To see you.

For Faith I find a dear friend, not so within.

Only there find tenets stubborn, sorry, yet

Keep me going.

In humor black I would google death swift

Yet a latent tail of hurricane this night just

Kills the connection.

10/2

Smiling friends come sit with me in the gallery,

Bringing smiles & solace for the soul; then sweet music

For the evening.

10/1

It is with mixed feelings I take to the road this day.

Has all the motion done any good? Yes, but doesn't keep me

From missing you.

It was with mixed feelings I went into this evening,

Seeing some who did come to see my work and me, know some

Didn't, without you.

Glad for welcomes from friends here, glad for seeing

Some paintings sell. Hard not to see who was offering wine

Was not you.