7/31

Through these past months seasoned heavily with grief

I have foundered, lost of your support, your love,

I am rudderless.

These two weeks have given respite, a haven, a time

Of working well, of encouragement. The only time I felt

You would affirm.

7/30

Every time you see a line, an angle,

See the color that moves you, that sweetens the thought,

Place it purely.

7/29

Take the initial time setting up what is important.

This will allow all to pull together more easily.

Trust you can.

7/28

Painting is a process of problem solving,

Adjusting from the major to minor, fixing so, as in life,

Surprises are fewer.

7/27

It is crucial to understand

That the time to move forward it when

All is ready.

7/26

Here we learn to establish the limitations

Here of paints being used but perhaps also,

Of one's time.

7/25

This fine evening filled with Irish music, with good food,

Filled with work done well and enjoyable people,

I miss you.

7/24

These good days I have felt the work move through me,

Allowing focus to steady, leaving only deep nights for

Tears to run.

7/23

Find the movement that sings to you, the shapes

that hold bold, find your landmarks and hold fast,

Trust your instincts.

7/22

Start with what is seen easiest, get it right.

Then go forward, only adding when all is correct.

Placement is essential.

7/21

It is better to arrive at the truth of a painting

Not by merely copying what is seen but by understanding

What is seen.

7/20

On so many levels the thing of importance is understanding

What stands in light, what in shadow. Perhaps mostly when

values are close.

7/19

Here is a place we could not have gone together,

Nor would I have chosen to go alone, content to stay

By your side.

7/18

On the move again, on in tow with someone bright,

Articulate and talented, eager to adventure, to paint,

to learn new.

7/17

It is not easy this living without you, not easy to hear another say

I've become mean-spirited, spiteful, a parasite on people I need,

An ugly being.

7/16

Some things must be learned to lived without:

Love, warmth, hugs, love, companionship,

Living without you.

7/15

Moving around these spaces of this house

What once was our home, I see now is penance

For my sins.

7/14

I do need to consider that equilibrium is too lofty a goal

As just learning to live the moment here alone is

Perhaps beyond me.

7/13

Round my barn a group sits, friends we knew.

The farrier tells a tale of a horsewoman dead from

her own hand.

Of back surgery gone wrong, a farm ever filled with chores

Of a husband dead these three years past. Why only I hearing this

Saw a connection.

7/12

To your friends I am, what, a crippled cousin to whom

They are indeed kind for now, while I watch as they move on to places

I cannot follow.

7/11

These hot hard days I drive roads familiar to us

But traveling without you. alone, alone, it hurts

Alone without you.

7/10

I am trying, my Dear, I am. Plowing through these days,

Without us, with only me, a small being alone, carrying

You only within.

7/9

I loved cooking for you, arranging tastes for you

To savor, enjoy. Without you, thankfully, friends still

Sometimes sit in.

7/8

Here are not a quantity of friends and I fear

I lay my burdensome self heavily on them, but then,

They are quality.

7/7

The line between "Here" and "Then not" is just that.

On one side this person we love is with us,

Whatever the circumstances.

And then, they are not.

The line crossed is of kind

Not of degree.

102 today, Dear, hot even for you.

7/6

Again over long roads I weave,

Wearing a scarf of grief, a wet trail on cheeks

Weary for you.

Six months out on a journey ship-lapped in sorrow,

Aboard this sorry Pequod, rudderless, worn thin and

Missing my mate

Missing our life.

7/5

Long ago I could be alone, feeling surrounded by others.

Now I am alone when surrounded by others, meaning only

I am alone.

7/4

Ah, what to do with me as we three stand

Stranded, well, I've no idea where the fireworks are but

Dinner was good.

7/3

We each had our things we loved to do.

We each allowed the other might not

Wish to do.

You, with your friends, so enjoyed your sport

Of clays, of trap, of skeet and courses

Walked in camaraderie.

These days I accompany your wingman.

We contemplate, concentrate, aim, and mark

The day well.

7/2

Alone I wend my way to you.

Alone I kneel on dry grasses over you.

Alone I go.

7/1

Ruby returns carrying me over roads I know,

Knew so long ago before I knew you but

Not so sweetly

Our friend and I rumble into the fray of the bridges

To purr along quiet back lanes, visiting friends and pubs

And dry wines.