12/31

Eve a new year, we honored by sleeping through,

Waking with the morning into the new,

Sleepy, happy, together.

Honestly, little welcome here for this year, less

For the last. Movement fords forward, with you only

In my heart.

12/30

Mostly not doing things that so need being done

But spent time with a neighbor, driving, talking,

Tending small errands.

Taking time for talk, small or not, for sharing

Lunch, thoughts, ideas, for enjoying the company

Of good friends.

12/29

A day spent driving, taped books, dogs, sifting

Through my own slushy thoughts for harmony,

a resting place.

Over snow-packed roads, into sharp cold air

Find the car-park, the walk to the door

My path cleared.

Welcomed home by these small kindnessess

This simple caring of friends, gives to me

Such grateful comfort.

12/28

A day waiting, this time to go back

Hah, back, wistful time, waiting, now

To go forward.

12/27

By an old faith it is a year this day, but I haven't it in me

To keep track of two calendars, not now, not while

Living in transition.

Yet, will next week be any easier?

Won't be where we lived then either, only moving

Through more change.

But as I travel further into living alone, searching

New anchor points, one always, is a candle lit for you

In my heart.

12/26

A blizzard whirls around, winds, flurries intensely

Buffet as the dogs walk and I am intensely, acutely aware

You aren't here.

12/25

It is possible to be in company, family, others,

And to be fines, enjoy their company, a day loe filled

For each other.

But I can not help but be aware you are not here,

That the space you no longer fill is so really missed

Most by me.

12/24

A quick trip leaves my mother sprawled, down.

A trip to emergency, she leaves hurt, banged a bit,

But is fine.

Not an easy day which does not improve,

We are all testy, thin-skinned, hurting. Walk dogs

Crying in coldness.

12/23

A day begun with a good friend and coffee, time

Together doing small tasks, consideration given to

Where life goes.

An afternoon spent in small things once taken

For granted, now fraught with meaning, return

To strong coffee.

Evening gathers family, food and quiet

Conversations carrying across decades, cake,

Coffee, good hours.

12/22

Accommodations may meed be made for grief, perhaps

Part is the assimilation of it into my life, which is not

Just my grief.

12/21

It has snowed most of this day. I hang

on the edge between happy and un, aware

choice is mine.

12/20

A friend, a wise one spoke of "used to's";

How the pain when remembering what used to be became

Bridges for her.

Making peace wit the pain of "used to's", of separation,

Allowed eventually, bridges not simply to her Dear but

To her future.

12/19

Woke early to join a friend, a sunday service;

Music, song, company, to talk of many things

Not be alone.

12/18

All this day walked knowing a mark

Had passed, a time we were hopeful and

Full with ourselves.

I am not so filled with just myself but am trying.

It is not always good but I keep my feet moving, even

If only shuffling.

12/17

Here the year approaches, twelve month since we knew you

Had cancer, yet so hopeful, so hopeful, so trusting and then

You were fine.

Now recognize have felt but some of the toll, grasp more will come.

Now realize each step taken, every breath exhaled just takes me further

From our time.

Three rings, our rings circle my finger that has gladly worn

Their weight, slight in ounces, yet now a ton of emotion, in joys,

In sorrows born.

12/16

A trigger felt fleeting along the heart's edges, hesitation brought

Forward by first snow, wary in spirit of this return unheralded,

Wary of winter.

12/15

Yet another spate of days scratching sharp across the soul

Mainly making it hard to see the beauty, to feel movement, mainly

Making me tired.

12/14

It is with surprise I find how I can plan for, look forward.

Yet always is the sorrow knowing you would support but

You aren't here.

Yes you are always in my heart, this sweetest gift allows

Comfort to me for the goodness of knowing you so well, but

I miss you.

12/13

Dogs love coming home. Made an omelet

Which we will all share. They can have none

Of the wine.

With bits of lamb and cheese, all things we so like.

Suppose, if I can think of food every so often, then

Life goes on.

12/12

The truth? I hate, three times cursed, hate

You are not here. To the very roots of myself can't stand

You are gone.

That is the truth for me, can't avoid that bit of life,

Where once we did whirl simpatico, strong in each, now

I go alone.

12/11

Today I know more of old generators than ever would

You believe. Not so much to fix, but with more assurance

To keep going

12/10

Good talking, paint and food lace the early day

Painting each other, moving quickly, all conspire to well

Feed the soul.

12/9

Cold, cold the morning along this creek but the river

Stones I paint are not so bad! Nearby Annie paints also,

Quiet good company.

12/8

Up the road go the go-go's and I

Lunch with people newly met, carrying on

To a friend's.

12/7

Time spent, an afternoon, an evening, helping

Friends put up their tree, decorate, enjoy company

Food and wine.

12/6

Eleven months out, too long my Dear, moving beyond

To one alone, I am doing. But, well, you only saw best

Beauty to me.

12/5

MB, MB, I will remember the sun gilding your hair golder,

Your laugh, your smile. Mostly your painting. You, alas, will

Grow no older.

MB, MB, would I could have swapped. Then, I to my dear,

And, ah, you to my old shell, would've surprised for your dear.

Rest well, Girl.

2-3-4, I tell you tell you, I love you more

3-4-5, I tell you tell you, I will survive

6, can't fix.

12/4

I learn to take time for errands needing doing,

Time for doing with others, time for small pleasures,

Time with friends.

12/3

Sometimes I feel like the laces of my shoes.

Holding all together tightly...than come days I feel

Like the soles.

12/2

Given a gift of history, her story, filled with valor,

Causes my own to strengthen, I find courage

Hearing her details.

More rises from a simple state of grace, a path

She now looks to stride as she prays me strength, peace.

I am heartened.

With hugs, tears, with smiles, hope, off she drives

But I am granted an afternoon friend and music,

Flute echos voices.

12/1

Wined, dined by a friend in a place, frankly,

You would never go, lol! We laugh, we cry,

Her presence welcomed.

11/30

Again, I await the arrival of a friend

The arrival of a presence here. Not you, alas,

But nonetheless, good.

Tonight it is an old friend, reconnected joy,

Coming with the gift of compassion, wise and

Willing to listen.

Her being here, sharing this home, just a day

Or two is kindness that gives my heart respite,

A sweet perspective.

11/29

The horse I sit moves into the afternoon sun, grazing

Tall grass. A friend phones some business. I wait content

In warm light.

11/28

In the morning sun light, our friends, (she is yours, too)

Embraced me and in the coolness of the bright fall day

Left for home.

Left me here in this home, a quiet place where I will learn

To rest, learn to wait, open to what may come, knowing

Friends will help.

11/27

A year ago, a year ago I remember, Dear, how excited you were,

And I for you. I remember, every day, you. But your opening day deer?

Is not ready

11/26

An ordinary day, we woke, he brewed coffee, lunched,

She and I shopped, visited your museum, dined with friends,

An extraordinary day.

11/25

Why did I so feel the need to keep this tradition this year?

Why? We found it good to keep, rarely with many, but those few

Ever so dear.

In our souls, in our words, were you there, for the grace

Of our friends, I give thanks and it is true, we remember our loves

In our hearts

11/24

Briefly this friend and I speak, of being here longer,

Once would never have thought of staying but now can

Allow the possibility.

Neighbors, stop by, the sun shines warmly, dogs play.

We all walk mown pastures, shoot clays over stubble fields,

Help one another.

Through a day of beauty we move together, friends

Accompanying friends through all manners of passes,

Supporting each other.

11/23

Did clean and neaten our home for our friend and

You would ever so loved meeting his friend.

She is caring.

And for her good heart to come so far, leave her own,

Consent to travel with our friend, their kindness spent here,

I am thankful.

11/22

Early rise to walk along a river park, to paint cool waters,

Warm colors, happy in the moment, friends near to share

A morning's beauty.

11/21

Moving off into a quiet Sunday morning is special,

The roadways clear, easy, the day bright, sweet arriving

To friend's welcome.

A soft joy recognizing her home, admiring quiet spaces.

Hearing neighbors', shopping the mart, dining with friends,

Sleep deeply rested.

11/20

So often am stuck floating aimlessly, just get through the day.

Lost in the middle of where? Here, nowhere, no longer does life skim

Heart to mind

With the ease of innocence, simplicity of aims. I do know now

time was sweeter. Now wits mired in mud, feet lost in fog, find

Trusting me hard.

Time is needed to wend the way, find the compassed cause

Able to hold a soul steady. Now, perhaps, must satisfy to just

Hold fear better.

11/19

I will not say this day was not good, but it was filled.

Took another widowed one to the opening, she talked,

We all laughed.

11/18

Mark the time gone by, the evening warm enough to sit

Outside as the sun sets. A talisman of transition soothes

My lonely soul.

Mark the time, weeks no traveling done. Mark my own

Company can suffice, even preferred. If given in small steps

I am okay.

Mark the time, strive for the plausible, the hour, the day gained in

Increments of solace between the wide steppes. Too far forward

Looks too empty.

11/17

Week ago sat in the station as friends played their blues show,

Watching the fine play possible between couples. Ours is gone,

Glad theirs isn't.

11/16

In the midst of blues, of tentative steps approached,

Two events occur, and as so often happen, in their time,

Not really mine.

A friend calls talking of a spectrum wide of issues, says

My voice, I sound stronger, tells of those he loves, how to

Trash stuff, lol!

And I clean my palettes, set paints, bring up images stored

Since last winter, they have been frozen to my soul waiting,

Now to emerge.

11/15

Not a simple morning, telling someone who did not know. Came back,

Re-raked in a high snit. Remember, over a year since had one of those.

You would laugh.

But, you see, this chore was mine alone to do this year, next year

may be different, but the doing, the carrying out of this deed this time

Needed doing alone.

Needed only you for company, and the swirling, whirling flight

Of starlings, whose undulating flights delighted you that last morning.

This too, I remember.

11/14

Awoke realizing that raking, for me, is reparations done

For missing you. Petty, I begrudge help given kindly. But, a

Little, I do.

Entered the day unsettled and unnerved, adrift.

In inches the day looms long, along with learning to live

Within my solitude.

Afternoon, a gift of riding good horses, of friendship,

While evening sets below the horizon in golden glazes

Faith feeds us.

11/13

Shrouded these times ever in sorrow, though not

always apparent, have at times lamented the loss

Of a friendship.

Too soon, as these friends we knew come saying

Come over, or we are coming, however, all meaning

We are here.

11/12

The summer's travels gave space, a place not our home,

Time to learn of living without your physical presence.

Time to consider:

Can I possibly live here alone, not forever, but for time

Enough to let my mind settle? It is too isolated, too large,

Too much work.

Yet, so beautiful, room for home, studios, good neighbors.

There could be worse places for learning living alone, what I

Want for myself.

11/11

We, we, we...we were. No longer.

No, no, no...no longer am I a we.

Only Linda alone.

Only now see well enough the beauty

Of We to know the worth yet in becoming

Only Linda alone.

11/10

Bone-cold are the waters off Scusset Beach

But come not close to that given by last winter's

soul freezing chill.

Years ago Catherine and I sat that beach and she

Remarked: I've been widowed and I've been divorced,

Dead is better.

They are gone and can no longer hurt you.

Felt then, I understood but now? Now much more

I would ask.

11/9

For friends who come by and do wish to be near,

For the flute's beautiful soaring sound, I give thanks

For hours so blessed.

11/8

Early up, prep a simple breakfast, pack an after-ride nosh.

They like the bread. Along the Atlantic, sea-sprayed, we ride

Into the wind.

Hope their time here was pleasing, but am full

For now, of others, however pleasant all their

Stories so different.

So evening again on your bench as the ruddy-red sun slips

Below the far treelines, below the energy of the day,

I wish rest.

11/7

A friend calls, has sold two of my paintings.

The neighbors' guests arrive, settle in upstairs.

We ride horses.

Guests in this house, we all dance small courtesies,

Allowing time together to spiel smoothly. This is

A new endeavor.

11/5

It is getting colder, fine it is November

And ever did I like this time for being outside,

For golden hours.

11/6

Ten months out on this strange sorrowed sea,

A journey which will raise new horizons but never

Our home port.

11/4

Friends call, while we talk, for that time

I am connected, their lives and mine entwine.

It feels good.

11/3

What will this day bring?

Hours long and quiet, filled with

Small things done.

11/2

Still in a place with little or no footing, still

Barely feeling a bit of toehold, a wisp of light,

A hint of path.

11/1

Upon your bench I sit, glass of wine in hand, writing,

Sad, wishing, glad for having your love, for having such

Sunsets before me.

Ah, setting suns we'd both exclaimed the beauty. Colors now dim,

An owl hoots, cat purrs, a duck quacks and I am so tired,

The glass empty.

Time to take the go-go's in and rest.

Tonight I am overwhelmed

Over my head.

10/31

A dear friend harbors me this weekend, not all that easy.

Easy for concern, love given of these and other friends but not

For lack of you.

My best show here ever, new people as well as old caring enough

To take home my paintings. Friends well wished but I miss

My finest fan.

10/30

It is good creating something and see it pleases another:

Food prepared, homes well made, children raised, love nurtured.

My paintings sell.

10/29

Once again on the road, once again on Branch where

All those years ago I first traveled to join you on

Our marvelous adventure.

It was, you know, marvelous. Our Farm, Finally,

A place to live, to grow, to love. Addresses did change.

Not the love.

Now, not an easy road to drive for more than traffic,

Now, not a road we would want to, heavy with progress, we'd

Now feel misnamed.

10/28

Yesterday I rode with our friend along this river's marshy banks

Places we had yet to go. I am grateful for his good company but, well,

It wasn't you.

But the day was so fine and I enjoyed riding these new trails,

Listening to his tales of who else has lived this land, all the while

Quietly missing you.

I will, you know, miss you. It is part of me now and I hold it,

Remembering you and I, even while reveling in this evening's

A glorious sunset.

10/27

How? How do we touch each other?

How. In the glance, the soft touch we live

In each other.

You did touch and lift and allow me so much

Your love a constant support, well of strength

I thank you.

10/26

Vocation, these last past decades mine was our lives together,

Imperfectly but honestly shared. I loved the life we built

Above all else.

Easy to be your wife, easily rewarded as you just loved me;

Nothing else came close. Memory can carry the sustenance of,

Not the substance.

What now the basis of my life, painting was avocation. A switch?

Your love become my avocation. Now possible painting be vocation?

Should it be?

10/25

What do I want? How would I name it? Home.

Even now without my heart's love, a place where soul, memories,

I can rest.

Home encompassing a sense of peace, of sanctuary, of comfort.

Requiring wherewithal for support in value of vocation,

Compensation for toil.

So what is to be my vocation. Learn to live with myself.

Allow this should probably be learned here, where

I presently live.

10/24

What words can I summon this evening late

That might remotely atone our lost nights,

My mourning hours.

This day unveiled in love for you, every step,

Movement, breath, sound, echoing both

love and loss.

10/23

Indeed grateful for all inclusions felt, yet

Recognize that in the laundry of life, am now

An unmatched sock.

10/22

The hours - sweet to tarry and talk with a friend,

Welcomed into her circle filled wisely - are a balm

For strength needed.

10/21

Not glad to close the door on our fine animals,

My friends, family such as it is. I am off along

The road alone.

10/20

This night I am looking for sleep

Having filled the day with anticipation

Of tomorrow's road.

This day the room you called your own

Has changed, you would not recognize it

Much, I'm sad.

This morning came with the soft drumming

Of rain, gray light and horses snorting

And dogs snoring.

10/19

Months of movement manages only so much.

So a little I've learned, I'm quieter maybe, sadder, and now

I am tired.

Tired as chores pile, as duties demand attention, and

I wonder what's missed, while crossing done off a list

that never ends.

Tired of really having only myself to rely on, inept,

unorganized, unstable, unclear, wondering how one keeps

a steady course.

10/18

Through these past fall days, with company or no,

I walk under skies magnificent, weather soft and you

Ever in mind.

10/17

Deep clear blue skies soar above, we ride a morning

searching for glory. With company, I see this beauty

Alone without you.

10/16

In a moment, odd, it hits our old friends

That however finely we might speak of you,

You are gone.

A gesture, remark, the order of your shop,

It hits, you are gone. Then, the moment moves on,

As do they.

Normal, of course, I recognize others will get on,

Natural to do. I know 'we' were paramount only

To you and me.

10/15

A day of prepping for friends coming to visit

Of cleaning and cooking and finally welcoming

Our old friends.

10/14

My Dear always said: I never take you for granted. And he never did.

I tried, always, to let him know he was the best part

Of my life.

10/13

"How are you?" rhetorical, waits to hear, "Good, and you?"

Only, I am not, good. But some know not what to say, yet wish

To be there.

I am thankful to stay in their loop, glad for the time given.

Some get it, returning to normal is never, at best

A different normal.

This kindness of friends, their words of you, often laced with humor,

Allows me motion beyond the grip of grief to a place I might hold it

On my own.

10/12

Quiet morning moments when not a cat sleeps on your side,

Coffee pot needs cups for just one, Delbert McClinton really is giving

It up alone.

Shadows on the workshop path are made by sun shade alone;

Dinner is only me and candles lit in memory, in late moments I lay

finally to sleep

On abed that could be narrowed by half. When I will know

Grief, light or dark, knocks and grief hits daily while my

Heart miss beats.

10/11

Spent the day barefoot padding the backside of Assateague,

Shell-picking with a youngster who would rather not ride

Good beach day

10/10

In a friends sweet visit I find comfort, movement for body, soul

We paint from a neighbor's yard a setting sun in glory and

Drink their wine.

10/9

My name is common - as is yours, my love.

A painting friend and I address to each "the other Linda"

Now another Linda

Walks a path so similar to ours, my love.

Another Jack has left another Linda behind, yet again

Another Linda alone.

We are left to our farewells: fare well our loves.

We fear fair will not be a commodity soon we'll see -

Lost too love.