10/13 Tues

Asked what do I want.
An answer overwhelms, as
For so long,

It was you and our life, however gone both are. 
These past years, an assemblage of the fallout
Into only myself.

Gone is the decades of love, comfort together,
Now it is  just me, alone, how aware of that. But body 
And soul remember.

So what do I want. Will love you always, could
Welcome another with love always, would he
Love me always.

If not, than thankful for the good will shared,
Wish that other well, and guard the
Serenity I have.

10/10 Sat

Are we just one thing or another? This or that?
Perhaps at our most simplistic we are a mix,
Body, brain, soul.

And if bliss is a perfect blend of all, perhaps, 
Then, whenever one is ignored, we chance
Flirting with folly.

But, even when the odds are too minute,
Pursuing despite the stakes, may yet be
Worth the gamble 

And if the wager falls contrary, may the merit 
Of trying temper the pain in revealing the
Fool I am.

10/9 Fri

I like driving, the awareness of the task at hand,
Things close by, the world surrounding and 
The thoughts accompanying.

I like being driven, to just rest, watch all, 
Converse or not. Now is a lot of one, too long
Since the other.

10/5

I drive into the remnants of a hurricane 
Blown away, drive through sanded winds
And deep water.

The surf lays hard over the beach strand, 
Gales push against me, I lean into it. 
Only too well

I know standing alone. Sometimes a body,
And soul, appreciates being held up, even 
For a moment.

10/4, Sunday

Rejection, however kindly wrapped is still a dismissal 
Rebuff, refusal, a go away. Beyond soft touches and words 
Remains only, no.

I do not know, does the heart feel larger only for the hurt
Or is that only the implosion before it curls smaller yet. 
I don’t know.

Twenty eight years ago, still I wear your gold band,
For five and some I’ve walked heart alone,  my way now.
I only know

That love is a treasure. I wish for it, miss for it, 
yearn for it. Will it ever grace my life again,
It’s likely, no. 

9/15 Tuesday

Hah, read the last post and laugh.
I may be willing to accept another, again
Into my life,

But, who might be willing to share
Theirs with me? The field of possibilities
Is quite empty,

And unlikely to change. I am left realizing
I could, again, be content with my own company.
A wiser path.

9/14 Monday

This other stops for lunch before heading on.
I enjoy his company, if not quite the feelings
Rising in me.

The friend who left this morning led me
To believe he might be open to such.
He is not,

Made clear, not that way. 
I am left realizing I could, again, be open to such, 
Again, accept love,

Again, welcome sharing life with another. 
Space in my heart for more, even while never 
Not missing you. 

9/13 Sunday

After a wonderful month here, one friend
Prepares to leave, heading for new adventures
Of her own.

Another visits, a routine trip that coincides 
with this goodbye. Together we all walk the shore 
as the sun sets. 

9/12 Saturday

Hard rain, gray day, good wet paint sale.
We each sell a few paintings
And enjoy friends.

9/11 Friday

A week with an old friend and her poodle. 
We paint again, together. How I have missed
This dear camaraderie.

9/6 Sunday

Drive home, I am over used to long drives but
This one I am not looking for others to fill spaces. 
I am looking

Only for my own space, for quiet and thoughts,
For music. Leaving this land in warming morning light 
It looks sweet.

9/5 Saturday

My  niece and new nephew are splendid!
I can only wish to them the happiness we knew, but for
Many more years.

9/4 Friday

Left early to drive to Ithaca. New roads. 
Coming in not impressed with the countryside
Glad to arrive

Dinner with family for this wedding. Enjoyed
Of course and of course see the huge differences
Choices give life. 

I am glad to be here with my family, However 
too short the time which underscores how
Alone I am. 

9/3 Thursday

The shop has slowed. Live and learn. 
Part of the fracas was over rehanging. 
Intentions were good

Expressed but not clearly. After ponies comes
Landscapes. A chance for the partner to shine 
Maybe. Maybe not. 

Next year do this change sooner. I see that
She felt pressured. Is it important to consider?
Yes and no.

In the larger scheme of life, no. In learning 
the small particulars here, yes. My fault, naturally,
Not communicating that.

9/1 Tuesday

A friend staying with me modeled today
Here in my yard and was divine. 
A joy to paint.

For the first time new painting friends came, 
The painting intense, fun! The day was glorious,
The company splendid.

An amazing respite in what is otherwise 
Not so easy a life to live. It's true, life's better
With good companions.