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Most of the day has been spent
Working in the yard, clipping and
Replanting, getting dirty.
My friend walks past anything green
Reaches out to pet or trim and admire
All its beauty
While considering what
Can she do to make it
Healthier, and happier.
Up early to neaten the house,
Paint some and do a few chores
Company is coming.
Painted, on an old painting, after
Seeing so much in it I do not like,
Just wasn’t working.
Thinking about what I did I see
In this that originally made me want
To paint it
Simplified and reworked it back
To a place that is allowing me to
Again like it.
“The achievements of exile are permanently
undermined by the loss of something
left behind forever”
Some days I am held up by achievements
incredible. Others? Undermined but what’s
Left behind forever.
Either way, I believe now both carry a
deep caring for the life-forwarding need
To express love.
Rode today with friends, rode. Part of this working farm
Includes space, views and quiet. Yet, too quiet now is
Not so good
As life for me envelopes more quiet than often I can cope.
Yet, throwing a leg over the two horses today was good,
Riding is good
Where, would I go? What, would I gain, would I loose?
Why would I stay, really, why. And why would I go? I want
To be rooted.
Status quo is no longer I just want to go back...as,
there is no back. Whether I wish or not, status quo
Is now changed
And while the memories of the heart hold dear,
Concern is where will my status quo go, where
Shall life continue.
Four years out and still sometimes, the enormity
Of the change just overwhelms. Where do I need
To be now?
Read today:...”we see every adverse situation
as a challenge to restore ourselves to the
status quo ante.
You know the refrain: I just want
To go back to how things were.
This seem shortsighted.
How things were might well have
led you to the ways things
have woefully become”.
from In Light of What we Know - Zia Haider Rahman
A friend practices her flute
In my living room,
Loves the sound
She can produce in this space.
It is amazing this room has that,
Who knew?
Am home with time
To ponder well the weaknesses
Which I allow
To color my days
And shorten them in a
myriad of ways,
Am home with time
To contemplate have I strength
To change. Yes.
Worked in the yard today planting the plants
I brought from mom’s; as if certainly
I‘ll be here
Long enough to see these grow and spread.
And considering that makes me queasy,
Makes me wonder,
Have I been here already too long?
Reminding me: this is my only life.
Now, consider that.
Haying day today
And however else I feel
About this place,
I do love it is a working farm,
Even if all I have to do is
Watch grass grow.
Up early to head out, dogs in the back,
I head down the road into traffic, as if it
Were a sign
That leaving wasn’t what I wanted and
After the long, hard drive, neither was getting
To this house
A week spent where I once did live, spent mostly in time
With my family, with just what came with each hour, with
A good friend.
One day walked the old path to the beach, all wrapped in
Soft light and thought how beautiful this small bay is,
I miss it.
If I can come up here and get this problem taken care of,
Can’t I do the same for myself? Consider what needs doing,
And do it.
