10/10

Clouds stringing across the sky are purple

Presences against which the first ochre

Of geese wing

Before the sun slipping down in a splendor

Of molten golds, reds and oranges while a sky

Of cerulean blue

Deepens through cobalt and ultramarine to night

Still warm enough for mosquitoes, still I miss the

Presence of you.

10/9

Been thinking of the dynamics around the idea

Of moving towards, which some think is about time.

What about you?

Been listening to the whirr of small birds flying,

How this pleased you, too, and how you are

Ever with me.

10/7

This eve, Yom Kippur starts, day of atonement

Yes I am not so familiar with this high day as perhaps

I should be.

Yet do feel a need to amend, to atone, to seek

Forgiveness, this I do know, do wish, from

And to you.

10/6

Worked around here, then dinner with friends.

Good to be welcomed there with friendship

And tasty food.

Gave me a CD to hear on the ride home, listened

To an arrangement of an oldie.....papa was

A rolling stone....

And when he died, all he left us was alone...

(I am grateful for friends' support) but how

True this feels.

10/5

The sun has set along the river marshes And out

of the west, under a clear sky darkening through blues,

Cerulean to indigo,

In an absence of clouds, hear many geese settling

For the evening. We so loved to hear, to see them,

Harbingers of fall.

Yesterday a milestone once we so looked forward to,

this year I let pass with only my tears, only my

Own solitary company.

10/4

Rode the old white horse this evening, took the dogs

And meandered along the back hay fields to

The farm roads.

While the old fellow grazed, thought of life now.

There is much good in it, you made it

So, even now.

Dealing with it, mostly feel the direction is

Still "away", yet there is a slight turn now

Of moving "towards".

I am surprised how vague, how undefined that is.

9/18

This evening sat on an outerbanks dune looking over the atlantic

watching the day close, the drama of clouds while wind and surf

Roared past me.

In the cottage behind are friends. While I have believed that the

Circle of a decade would have you ever in my heart, never no longer

By my side.

As tears fall, I pull the wrap closer round Memories of us in my

Heart. The spiral has rounded to this place, a step removed but held

Dearer than that.

9/11

On a fall evening not long after the towers fell,

I sat on the south rim of the Grand Canyon watching

The evening fall,

The colors in the clouds, the rainstorms move far off.

The breath of wind on my face heralding

A coolness coming

And the quiet softness only emphasizing the space.

Behind, in the cottage you lay reading, waiting, love

Of my heart.

9/7

Have read of cultures that believe life is a spiral movement,

More than a circle, never closed. I do not know, but, at times

Either seems good.

9/6

I have no family and do not know if moving would give this,

Have a sense of support of friends here still their lives are

Not my own.

Part of the problem, I miss the sense of the two we were.

Now, only me. And I want not to be only an addendum to the

Life of others.

9/5

I like having space around me,

Probably not wise to think I "need" such but I do

Really want it.

Maybe not sensible but I have lost Jack,

I am not ready to give away this sense, this

Need of space.

Why should I if I need not. I have that allowance

for now and the fact Jack shared here where now

I live alone.

9/4

Making a decision is better than not making one,

There is then at least a point from which to move,

I've been told.

But sitting on the fence is also a point,

And perhaps a point to move from with less

Damage to control.

9/3

Moving as a couple with you I could do easily.

Even leaving friends, changing much, the core remained,

You and I.

With that anywhere was possible, even if not preferable.

Now? As half, it is so difficult, just about impossible to consider,

Never mind decide.

And perhaps that is part of what is going on: I am still the sorry

Half left of a wonderful whole. How can I think that I could

Make a good decision?

9/2

Now there's some comfort here, a steady point to move from,

To change, to make decisions from the support of what

We did together.

True, as time goes on, decisions become all mine alone.

Perhaps I am coming closer to the one concerning

Where I live.

9/1

This is the last place I have with you. We may have stayed.

Now, just me, do I stay as it is easier? Harder is deciding to move

On my own