5/15

8 am and the day is already altered hard, another change,

25 years until right now we looked out our windows

watching our horses

Now the two girls are going where our others,

retirees have gone to joust, to trail ride, to carry others

in their gentle way

Now I sit in the warming air contemplating

Another amending in this now my life, now

No bays, no grays.

5/14

What a busy day getting things done

Filling the hours, not filling the emptiness but

For friends who call

5/13

Fine to sit on a high deck under a soft sky darkening

Wine in hand, conversation and the promise of good food

with friends.

5/12

Would ever so like to feel settled again, but fear

It will take ever more time that I would wish it could.

So is life:

What does not smack one ever so hard in the head,

Knocks one's feet out from under. Either will leave one

Gasping for breath.

So, with luck ever so rare, there is also an amazing sunset,

Or some such event occurring, thus giving one a good excuse

for hyperventilating.

5/11

Friends come visiting and, lo, the views in my yard are more beautiful!

Sweet conversation, good food, and fine stories swirl through my home.

What a wonderful few days.

5/10

A day of beautiful weather and keeping busy

Of watching the sweet dance of a couple long linked

Bittersweet, more sweet to see.

5/9

How, to bear up on these days which drag so long

How, walking empty spaces once filled with you, stop longing.

I can not.

5/8

Take pencil to paper, a glass of wine and your dogs.

Take all and scribble the needs, wishes, dreams, you can now allow,

Take a friend's advice.

5/7

Washed in the beauty of your love and care,

I leaned contentedly into the strength that was you,

And adapted past me, you, to we.

The roots of me grew wrapped strong in you

So hardy to all winds, storms, dire droughts but not to my roots

Chopped from you.

5/6

Again, I repeat myself, on one hand, one side, one moment,

I am able to do, to think, to access the hours of my day sensibly

And breathe easier

Again, I repeat myself, on one hand, one side, one moment,

I am trapped, still, and undone at the enormity of you gone,'

And can not breathe.

5/5

Even I must say a day so beautiful is a treasure. So I painted,

Thinking of vision, of passion, of mine so ever long serenely housed

In being with you.

Having vision, having passion is no small thing

As both are values by which one can steadily steer, thus deserving

Of due consideration.

Perhaps the contemplation of these traits of finer stuff can

Help to find a pathway through this passage of tribulations to my own

Sense of place.

5/4

Painted today, took my box and dogs, painted our hayfields.

A day spent, as I now must learn how to live, alone.

Until a neighbor invited me over.

Neighbors, who spoke of you and of my journey.

I am restless, where am I going, he still expects you in our home.

She is ever sweet steady faith.

These feelings of restlessness, yes are bound in rootlessness.

You are gone and could not take me, that has cut my roots,

Leaving me easy to topple.

Leaving me much to consider.

5/3

This really, truly is hard, I am slogging as best I can

Floundering through so many days with no solid sense of place.

How does one find that?

5/2

This morning I hear words taken as I need,

Hear voices lifted in lovely song to the beauties surrounding us

We have blessings.

Riding an easy horse at an easy pace

Through air easy to feel with a friend easy to be with,

I so miss it is not you.

5/1

Hope and Faith, well named and full filling,

Each a good friend, giving me good words, good food.

Charity I welcome.