3/7

Note to self, remember what seems a fine idea late at night

Could no doubt use careful editing

In the morning.

3/6

I sat a horse today, the last one

you rode, through forests once, only

I rode with you,

Bittersweet day, my soul ached

To enjoy its beauty because my heart hurt with

you not there.

3/5

Simple things become not so, our dog is at the vets

Because you are gone and I must wait, so must our other pets.

Be good dear animals.

A friend welcomes to her home, fingers caressing a baby grand.

Spring's sun warms the earth, the road is passable, no small feat.

Greetings are warmly given

Scones & tea, conversation seduce me to stay comforted in sweet

friendship, to stay so long, a whole precious day, dearer than gold.

A treasure to hold to my heart.

3/4

The time draws near to carry my own, to burden others no more.

Others have given their respects, concern and care; are done and wish

To get on with their own beauties, beliefs, unhampered by my sorrows.

I can see this.

Wrapped so long, warmed well,

We did turn in beautiful full arcs.

Well loved within

Within our circle, insulated with love,

I basked in the potent sweetness of our contentment,

Replete in our time.

The break is cold and lonely.

Alone, Alone, Alone, a weary tolling that I now own

No sense of self, no defense of self.

A fragmentary, futile, flotsam in your wake

I am so scared of being alone with no other, no care, no love.

Know only why should anyone?

3/3

Nothing is warm nor do I believe it ever will be again.

Oh yes, winter will pass and summer suns will burn hot.

But I look not for warmth returning.

3/2

Your NH neighbor, mom's age, chainsawed her stove wood. Can't

Get the tractor started. You always said you loved me. I wondered why.

I believe you must feel so, too.

3/1

Tears come checked not easily, I am simply so scared, so, so alone.

With a friend I can talk, think, converse before settling back low.

I breath, why?

2/28

This time of honing, axing, has chopped us apart.

The "we" lived so long and so fulfilling cut gone.

I am not honed sharper, rather torn ragged.

I need to learn healing, learn to live a part from you

Whose honed knife brought forth spoons, birds, whimsey.

Where now is my part?

Partner with you was first. Can "painter" suffice now?

I, no longer wife, partner, ally, finest friend,

Need learn to "friend" again.

2/27

Your dear essence I know, I hope I pray,

Can allow my flaws a space of absolution and grace.

I need to learn to hope.

2/26

After death, we, no one of us truly knows what to expect

I could hope the best essence of each carries into a new continuation.

I just do not know.

What I do know is that you did love me,

I am so aware, with a love full for me and rare.

Did you love me more than I you?

Perhaps, beyond, my own love for you bore me in peace & fullness.

Mine not enough to help save you. My love alone could not keep you.

I know my failing, my dear, was a dire failing.

In silence must that be carried.

2/25

Forecasting is such an unpredictable affair

Woke to a little snow and warming air

Woke to sadness.

2/24

I am so needy and grateful for friends coming to share time awhile.

Time do dear, time I wasted when I had you, it is not surprising to see

On their faces they are ready to go, get on with their own.

2/23

People in the house are comforting

We talk, we laugh, we cry the issues wide

And life seems normal.

2/22

This is so hard, I can't keep tears from falling, flowing down

Why are you not here, How can I do without you? Why, God why.

My face is a salted stream of desolation.

2/21

Nothing these days are right except my mother's birthday.

Eighty years old, two of her sons & several grandkids celebrate.

I am nowhere.