1/6/22, ode to grand marnier

I have learned to live with 

you not here. Not so well 

with just myself.

I was better with you.

This procession now, alone, is slow, 

mishaps, mistakes abound.

Memory, enhanced by a sweet

Orange liquor, you, quietly caring,

I can continue.

4/26/21

 All the memories and feelings still hold true. It is your birthday, and I am so much older now. Navigating these seas has not always been easy and this shore, perhaps not one you would’ve chosen. Nonetheless, you now reside here, in my heart. 

1/6/21

 Eleven years ago. 

This date is sacred to me. 

I am saddened whenever I hear of another 

going through such sorrow. 

Yet on this sacred day, 

call it Epiphany, King’s Day, Nollaig na Mbabane, 

or just grief, 

what happened this day angers me as much that day recast me. 

And those who voted for and espoused 

the lies 

enough to attack the government, 

when they chose sedition, they crossed the line of kind. 

They are beyond shame. 

6/11/20

With you now comes your sister, 
on this day the family you were born into 
is again together. 

This world, it was  a sweeter place 
for having been graced by its presence and hearts,  
mourns her passing. 

As do I,  my heart is heavy with loss,
my prayers call, may where you all are now 
welcome her and rejoice.

1/6/20

This light I walked through when I had to acknowledge, accept and know. A clear, crystalline, exceptional light that this cool epiphany day a decade later, I recognize. 

And all the creatures we did harbor, give home to, horses, dogs, cats, even goldfish, they are on your side now. May they have found you and give you cheer. This one, this one, she does her best for me here.

Time is its own entity. and we do not control it. Time is so long ago, and so quick, eras have passed. I have felt all cardinal points of their compass, and hold it heart close.

!0/4

32 yrs ago, was a wonderful day. 
Traditionally on this anniversary, 
gifts that move would be given. 
Lapis lazuli would be bestowed. 
today will paint with ultramarine blue, 
dream of riding horses, 

perhaps a conveyance of a different ilk will occur soon


miss you.

4/26

I miss you every day.

4/26

70, you would've been. 
I now am a year older than 
ever you were.

Spread mulch this day, 
probably the last time
will do it here,

Where you last lived with me
This beautiful farm
 I now prepare

It to encompass
a new life,
I do too

1/9/18 Tuesday

Bereft

For so long a time I felt your care
For so long enough to be with me
you are gone and I go where?

In lockstep, a bonded pair
In your heart my place to be
For so long a time I felt your care

Kept close at bay the walls of fear
Kept close the love of you for me
you are gone and I go where?

Once home was just one thought near
Once alone a place I could not see
For so long a time I felt your care

Only know from soul’s deep sphere 
Only love comes with no guarantee.
For so long a time I felt your care
you are gone and I go where

1/7/18 sunday

Twilight

Banners sky sweep shades of Prussian blue
Clouds softly stretched ‘gainst turquoise hues
On indigo edges
Songs from the sedges
Waterfowl call evening adieu

1/6

Still in graciousness of evening 
I come watching the sun 
set in the skies amazing, 
for where that golden light 
gilds, there I see you. 

And mind these words 
of a songstress: "You 
have been gone long 
enough, just come back." 

just come back,
I whisper too,
through all i am,

I whisper:
just come 

back.

12/31

There is a sense of place, 
that I have found sweet and best,
quiet, leaving barely but a trace 
where love may now must rest.
Each close, touching yet graced apace,

Tucked in gently beneath my heart.
Mine for you and yours for me,
counterpoint, counterpart,
love placed so, set to softly carry
my soul sustained as I impart:

from my thoughts far you will never be
Having sought, and found this revered lee

12/24

Pentimento

You wrote for my eyes 
I miss you always.
I read and reread that, 
Cry or smile?  do both. 
and, miss you as well.

Never imagined this life,
I’d live so alone
Where once I shared
All within your arms

we both knew
love gives no
Guarantees of forever

Yet I
choose: remember

Love 

12/16

I have leaned
against the length
of your body,
wanting more.

Leaned resting there,
into your warmth,
anchored,
letting my own body
drawn, 
soften into
along yours.

I have leaned in,
whenever seeing you,
into the idea of us, 
just,
leaned in simply
for the nearness
of you.

I have leaned
yearning, asking 
for, wishing
to give more

Leaned so far
equilibrium 
skewed 
past center, 
yet I could,
would, with you
lean far.

I have leaned,
counterweight,
desired to meld,
held 
for you,
in balance,
counterbalance,

I have leaned,
trusting the fulcrum 
made between only
two points

12/4

Dusk’s treetops gold-tipped,
as you once brightened my days,
sunset hues recalled
past sorrows -small, stupendous-
to where life is still sweet.